Published on
Updated
Reading 3 min.
in collaboration with
Johanna Rozenblum (clinical psychologist)
Snubbing a loved one by preferring their phone has become commonplace. But this practice, called phubbing, would take a bigger place than we think in the couple. At the risk of putting up a very real wall, if the telephone interferes in the relationship. What if you looked up?
Taking out your smartphone and scrolling through the information, and your networks, while you are in the middle of a meal or chatting with a friend is becoming more and more common. A practice that is not always pleasant for your loved one, but which is becoming almost commonplace (who has never done it?) The problem is when this bad habit creeps into the couple. Can phubbing blow up your relationship?
What is phubbing?
Among all the new terms that designate attitudes, phubbing is the contraction of phone and snubbing. Phubbing is therefore the act of ignoring a person physically and all ongoing social interactions by checking their phone rather than participating in the discussion. And according to a new study on the subject conducted in Turkey, this attitude can say a lot about your personality.
So, the people most likely to “phub” you would be those who are sensitive to FOMO, for Fear of missing out. It is an anxiety that pushes many people to stay connected constantly for fear of missing an event or news. So much so that what the smartphone says is more captivating than what the relationship tells. The study also points to narcissistic personalities as more inclined to practice phubbing.
A real rock in the couple
But if there is one interaction that can suffer from phubbing, more than others it is the couple, in which the phone can be used at any time of the day, from morning to evening, and even on weekends. A behavior that does not fail to annoy. According to an Ipsos survey published in January 2019, 61% of young people consider that the telephone takes up too much space in their life as a couple. Moreover, some even consult it… during their lovemaking! And for one in 4 young people, the omnipresence of the telephone and the time that everyone devotes to it are a reason for argument, or even break-up.
An observation that Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist and member of our Doctissimo expert committee, understands well. : “Constantly snubbing your partner by staying on your phone is of course a risk for the couple! If the person no longer exists except through his phone, or the contacts he maintains through his networks, while his spouse becomes secondary, and not essential to his life, we can legitimately think that there is a problem. This must raise the question of addiction to digital tools for the person who has obsessive behavior towards their phone. she delivers.
Regaining balance in the couple remains possible, if you both clearly identify a dependency problem. According to Bertand Baray, a sex therapist who made it a theme on his site, “theThe best solution to gradually get rid of the toxic influence that the smartphone can have on the couple’s relationship is to gradually adopt a phone-free framework. while avoiding guilty phrases “stop with your phone, you love it more than me”.
He thus evokes the example of a couple who decided to only continue their discussion when the telephone was placed on the table. If the gaze wanders towards the screen, the discussion or interaction is stopped. For those who also want to test their dependence, the therapist suggests choosing disconnection periods, over a weekend or during vacations. “Disconnecting and moving away from devices for a while is a breath of fresh air for the couple’s communication.”
You can also simply choose to put your phone in your bag, when you have lunch in good company, or when you come home to meet your lover.
Slide: Couple: 8 symptoms of burnout within the relationship