Sarnia’s Debbie Payne says she had reservations about telling her story in her recently self-published memoir, No Thanks, I’m Full.
“It’s real – raw,” said the veteran real estate agent, who grew up with parents she describes as dysfunctional and who lived with poverty and violence during her childhood.
Payne said she was thinking of others with similar experiences when she decided to go ahead and tell her story.
“That’s the only way we’re going to be able to get through stuff together, is to share,” she said. “That’s what really prompted me to say, ‘I’m going to do this.’”
A chapter in the book is dedicated to the memory of her sister “who unfortunately dealt with mental illness most of her life” and shares “what I learned through her and how inspirational she was,” Payne said.
“Things have changed, somewhat, with talking about mental illness and dysfunction – trauma,” she said. “I just think the more people that are willing to share, and help in any way they can, the better. And that’s why I did it.”
Payne said half of the proceeds from sale of the book will be donated to the Canadian Mental Health Association.
Payne was born in Sarnia, where she lived until her parents separated when she was nine. Her mother moved with three of the four children to Chatham.
Payne later moved to Hamilton, where she lived until 30 and then returned to Sarnia where she has been for the past 30 years.
On her own at a young age, Payne said her life could have gone in very different direction had she not gone through an experience at 25 that turned out to be “what I needed to wake me up.”
It marked the beginning of her decision that “I deserve more and now it’s up to me to go after that,” she said.
She got her real estate license soon after and began what became a more than three-decade-long career.
Payne said becoming a mother also gave her “the courage to move forward on my own in a better direction.”
Now 60, Payne said she considers releasing her memoir as a new way of helping others after years of helping so many as a realtor.
“I’ve really enjoyed it and loved it, but” writing “is what’s calling to me,” she said.
Payne said it began with keeping a journal a decade ago and then, 18 months ago, she went through surgery and a long period of recovery.
“It really made me look at my life,” she said. “It slowed me right down” and she finished what became the book.
“It was a labor of love,” Payne said. “It really talks about breaking through generational dysfunction, trauma” and “shedding the shame.”
“I talk about the importance of perspective while going through life’s adversities that we all go through and how resilience plays a big part,” she said.
She added experiences of receiving unconditional love during her life also “weave” through the book.
“There’s always a silver lining, I believe, in whatever we go through in life,” Payne said. “It’s just a matter of looking for it and taking it in.”
Information about the book can be found online at www.nothanksimfull.ca.