my manager never decides, what should I do? – The Express

The next day, it was impossible to get my hands on it. Three days later, the pressure had finally subsided, and here he arrived, nonchalant. No feedback on past work overload. Another time, he is asked to decide on a dispute over leave to take, he hides behind his screen in overbooked mode and locks himself into a “deal with it, we’re not in kindergarten anymore”. “He doesn’t take sides when there are conflicts. He never wants to intervene,” describes Sandrine Weisz, journalist, training manager at ITG Formation and author of Working with difficult personalities (Dunod, 2022). So, we have to push this manager who plays personally to his limits so that he accepts the collective.

The one that Sandrine Weisz describes as a “resigned manager”, lets it happen. “He fears demonstrations of authority and conflict management. His directives are very vague.” Sometimes, his sense of personal tactics leads him to abandon his subordinate in the jungle of a meeting, turning around with incredible mastery, abandoning everything that had been worked out together. There are those who contest/Who demand and who protest/I only make one gesture/I turn my jacket around, I turn my jacket around/Always on the right side sings, with the talent we know from Jacques Dutronc.

To nip his big act in the bud, “remember to remind at the start of the meeting his points of agreement with what you are going to present. You will avoid the psychological game which consists, for him, of criticizing points which he validated at behind closed doors,” advises the expert. Second idea: “never give up in advance”, while he does everything to perpetuate and have his behavior admitted. Indeed, someone who never takes responsibility discourages hyperactive people, high achievers or those who would simply like to have clear instructions. His desire being to leave doubt, his plans must be thwarted. The objective is to make him take sides, in valorization mode and above all without overwhelming him: “you are the manager, it is up to you to decide”. “We can have good surprises by systematically confronting him with his responsibilities.” You have to solicit him, without stressing him.

And if he tries to escape when it is essential, then Sandrine Weisz recommends a third piece of advice: that of telling him that we are going to use nuclear weapons, namely to ask the N + 1 of the fugitive for arbitration. A hypocrisy which can pay off: won over by pride, he will finally assume his role. The fourth option is to do the hypocrite again, this time in front of witnesses: when he is stuck in a group, ask the important question to the collective, without pointing him out. “In a round of the table, he will be forced to take a position”, especially if there are only two choices: A or B. However, this fragile personality must be reassured: “if he is a coward, it is is that he is afraid.”

The observation of doctors François Lelord and Christophe André is the same on the avoidant personality: “hypersensitivity: particularly fears being criticized or mocked, fears ridicule” (New difficult personalities, Odile Jacob, 2021). In their description, we also find a propensity for one’s own devaluation: “low self-esteem, often undervalues ​​one’s abilities and devalues ​​one’s successes.” Anxious by nature, he seeks “unconditional kindness from others”. He has difficulty trusting, playing as a team, which condemns him to solitude. Gradually awaken him to trust, never betray him, show constancy in his support, compliment him, show him that we accept the criticism which is part of working relationships. Never get angry or ironic about it. “A chef is fragile too,” concludes Sandrine Weisz.