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in collaboration with
Johanna Rozenblum (clinical psychologist)
Did you know ? Certain periods in a couple’s life weaken the relationship more than others and could well lead to a separation. What are sensitive periods and why can they lead to a breakup? We talk about it with Johanna Rozenblum, psychologist.
In love, we often talk about 7 years of marriage as a difficult milestone, the source of numerous breakups. In fact, there are indeed certain pivotal periods (and not just at age 7) during which couples risk separation a little more.
When the honeymoon phase ends
When dating, the couple often goes through a honeymoon phase, in which everything is beautiful and new, which lasts for 6 months to 1 year. Life then seems to revolve around your partner and the couple. But after a while, stress and the demands of life can put an end to this period and throw the couple back into reality, as a 2022 study reveals. Professional and family constraints come into account and can sometimes reveal different objectives. For some, it’s time to break up.
During the holidays (which stress you out)
The expected vacation break can sometimes lead to a breakup. While vacations are supposed to give you energy, they sometimes become the breeding ground for many conflicts, when stress is high. So the end of year holidays with their share of organizational stress, family events, alcohol and financial problems would be a time when we separate a lot.
During pivotal moments in life
Life as a couple is also punctuated with questions throughout its journey. While these are necessary to move forward, they can also represent moments when partners are no longer in phase and may want to go their separate ways. Thus, on Tiktok relationship advisor Kim Polinder listed the years during which couples are faced with important decisions.
- At 3 years old: some couples realize that they do not know how to resolve their conflicts;
- At 7 years old: they often wonder if they are stagnating or if they can still evolve together;
- In the 11th or 12th year, couples will prove that they have made the necessary efforts to break out of stagnation and strengthen their bonds, or separate;
- Finally, after 15 years, some couples have forgotten to be friends, and live like roommates… Which can also precipitate a breakup.
Two factors would lead to the breakup
Are these periods immutable? Do we really risk breaking up every vacation or during these critical years? To find out more, we contacted Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist and author of Decondition yourself (The book mail, September 2023). His opinion is more nuanced. It would not be so much a question of defined periods as of a context, which would create the conditions for a rupture.
“Ultimately, moments of tension are linked to two factors, rather than a specific date: a stressful situation which generates anxiety, a feeling of helplessness or anger, and a mood which we struggle to regulate. because of fatigue, a feeling of not being understood or frustration. It is generally the combination of these two criteria which becomes the breeding ground for an explosive situation motivating a possible separation.”
No need to look at the calendar if you care about your relationship. The important thing is rather not to let a situation generating tension arise between you.
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