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There are all sorts of tests on TikTok that are supposed to determine the strength of your romantic or friendly relationships. The latest is the “bird test”. It would allow you to know if your partner or friend is interested in what you like or what you say. If you point out something seemingly insignificant, like a bird, and the person being tested shows curiosity, you’re a winner. Otherwise, your relationship would be doomed.
For TikToker Alyssa Caribardi, the bird test would be foolproof. “I do it with friends, family, literally everyone I meet“, she explains in a video viewed more than four million times. “If they pass the bird test, I tell them real quick because it’s so fascinating“. In the comments, some react in a humorous tone: “My cat always passes the bird test“. But others seem to realize that perhaps their relationship wasn’t so sincere: “My ex was annoyed by me noticing and pointing out nature, including animals“.
Daily attention more important than grand declarations
The bird test actually stems from a psychological notion called “bid for connection” and theorized in the 1980s by Dr. John Gottmann, an American professor of psychology specializing in couples. In short, these requests for connection are attempts to get one’s partner’s attention. “They can take the form of an expression, a question or a physical approach. They can be funny, serious or sexual in nature“, explains John Gottman on his site.
According to him, turning towards others is the basis of a fulfilling relationship over time. He emphasizes the importance of small everyday gestures. “Some people think they can put their relationship on pause and then restart it with the occasional romantic evening. But relationships are built and maintained with daily attention, not with grand gestures“, explains the professor. And the more emotional connections the couple has, however trivial they may be, the longer it will last over time. The key would be to regularly fill their “emotional meter” by accepting or proposing these famous “connection offers“.
Predicting the success of a marriage with 91% accuracy?
To confirm his thesis, the psychologist scientifically measured the relationship quality of thousands of couples. In the 1980s, John Gottman and his wife founded the Love Lab laboratory. They study couples, observing them for several hours, in order to understand the mechanisms of a marriage, its successes and its failures. They note, for example, that couples destined to last turned towards each other 86% of the time spent under observation, while couples destined to divorce turned towards each other 33% of the time. time. Using several scientific data, the professor would be able to predict the divorce of a couple with an accuracy rate of 91%.
Slide: 10 signs that your relationship is balanced