Increase sexual sensations, performances and pleasures. Chemsex is an addiction and therefore a disease but it is taboo. When sex and drugs are closely linked: testimonies of Yoann, Loïc and Yann, today abstinent and activists.
Yoann is an artist. The story of this author, actor and director with the drugs and sex has begin as often, out of curiosity. “At first, the forbidden is exciting. But deep down we know very well that it is because there is something wrongfor me this thing was the empty and paradoxically the excess, living at that time in a relationship that was a little complicated, not having healed certain things in love. I got married to forget and erase wounds, like a bandage” he tells us. Yoann still mentally feels the effects of the drugs. “These chemical sensations are so intense. We have the impression that they are true and more important than the rest, than life.”
But the attraction for the new and the forbidden will quickly give way to addiction. “I felt the danger of this ‘thing’ which seemed to me at the time ‘magical’ and heavenlyhe continues. If it felt incredibly good at the time, I understood very quickly that it was dangerous and that it was going to be complicated.”
For Loïc, nurse and addiction consultant at the “Checkpoint Geneva” health center, the journey is significantly different, because the addiction happened directly. The same goes for his practice of “chems” (another name for “chemsex”). “The evolution happened like this: taking sex-related substances then using sex to legitimize substance taking and finally sexualized consumption or most of the time, alone. Alongside this, my sex life was non-existent without a product“he explains.
Yann, for his part, discovered the world of young chemsex. “In my youth, I did not smoke and drank very little alcohol. My first experience was with GHB. It was very disinhibiting for me, however I had no problem with my sexuality. With it, I felt more liberated” confides the author of the book “My life in powder”. Doctor Alexandre Aslan, sexologist at Saint Louis Hospital and psychotherapist-psychoanalystsees very young patients for consultation still learning and discovering their sexuality. Chemsex is already part of their practices. For some people “it is possible to have never experienced ‘sober’ sex‘”.
After discovery, addiction and the vicious circle
Yoann quickly understands that he is suffering from this addiction. “One evening, after a performance, while I was living one of the most beautiful dreams of my career, sing and dance on stage in a glittery setting, I only thought of one thing: my evening ‘chems‘”, explains the actor. On the program, free drugs, “powdery, dark decor, ambiented by a repetitive sound, without soul, without personality, accompanied by boys who had acid sweatdressed in harness.” Yoann preferred chems to celebrating his talent.
Later, practice and evenings multiplied. “At that time, I had not yet fallen into the hardest part for us chemesexers, ‘The Slam‘, the worst, I had seen boys doing it and ‘playing’ as we say in the jargon with them. The ‘Slameurs’ were those who inject into their veins this powder so precious to us, 3 MMC.” Little by little, he discovers a world far from what he imagined or had experienced until now. “This cliché of refined and distinguished gays seemed very distant after a few shots of 3M™ followed by a shot of GHB. I remember thatat the beginning of the ‘touzes’, it was great, well for 24 hours, maybe 48or more, if we always have something to consume.” Even if he deplores it today, Yoann couldn’t do without dating apps online, which offer “chem plans” as well as drugs.
“We always wanted more”
“Once the ‘open’ guys arrived in the evening, we played for 25 minutes with ‘the novelty‘, then we went back to scrolling on the app. We always wanted more” he describes. “At each take you have to realize that the effect is not real and above all, you risk losing the real sensation of desire, of true sensuality and sexuality.” For Loic, the addiction happened directly. And for good reason, “THE very strong products used, rituals linked to sex, all coupled with my addiction formed a explosive cocktail ! I quickly lost control of my life and had to deal with the consequences of addiction.” he confides. As Frédéric Buathier, nurse at the Center for Care, Support and Prevention in Addictology at the Hospices Civils de Lyon, explains, there are several mechanisms linked to chemsex : “Generally, taking products takes place in a festive context or place, which leads to sexual intercourse. At the end of the evening, there may be product recovery out of context, with the sole aim of filling the gap. It is this mechanism that leads to addiction.”
“Added to that were the powders and the nights of excess. I could no longer practice sex without any product.”
For Yann, taking GHB quickly gave way to other “festive” products. “Powders were added and quickly nights of excess. Addiction took hold at that moment. I could no longer practice sex without a product.” In Dr. Aslan’s office, some addicted patients worried about risks share their “fear of finding yourself stuck in a certain type of sexuality where great excitement predominates, ‘harder’ sexuality, he explains.
Total loss of control: “7 days in a row, 7 days of destructive pleasures”
What could have made Yoann sink is also what saved him. A week before a work meeting with an actor whose show he was directing, he was at a chems evening. “That evening there was my ‘slammer’. Everything happened quickly. 7 days in a row, 7 days of destructive pleasures.” When the actor finds him, Yoann struggles to hide his excesses. “I was at X grams, white, ringed eyes, dilated pupils, trembling I collapsed and I lifted the sleeves of my shirt, stained with blood because my arms were in a bad state. Showing the marks of all these injections that had been given to me during these seven days, I saw in the actor’s eyes, a pain that I will never forget.” Yann’s life could have ended during a total loss of consciousness. “I happened to wake up in the woods, with only clothes: a t-shirt and a shoe. No pants, no car keys. I lost consciousness with no memory of what had happened.” he remembers.
Prevention, information and training are necessary
Loved ones, professionals, abstainers, there is a consensus around the practice of chemsex : lift a taboo through testimonies, inform the public about the risks related and further train health professionals to the care of people suffering fromchemsex addictions. “Why not information campaigns in the same way as those for the prevention of alcohol-related risks?” suggests Frédéric Buathier. An opinion shared by psychiatrist Laurent Karila: “We have to make real targeted and repeated prevention campaigns, a point where France does not shine too much!”
“Why not information campaigns like those for alcohol?”
There freedom of speech is therefore essential, insists Dr. Aslan. “For many Chemsex users, even if at the very beginning of consumption there appears a impression of great freedom, disinhibition, and maximization of one’s sexuality, the evolution of consumption is often invasive on freedom and autonomy life in general, and sex life in particular, with Negative consequences on their personal, emotional, family and professional lives: when this is the case, you should not hesitate to consult”, he advises. Loïc wishes avoid stigma : “If there is no such thing as risk-free consumption, it seems important to me to remember that Most chemsex situations are non-problematic. This means that most ex users are able to reduce the risks and harm linked to taking substances.” For him, it is necessary “continue to sound the alert to uninformed audiences about the use of products, particularly the youngest. Prohibition has never helped the issue of substance use.”.
Learn to love yourself again
Yoann, now sober and having undergone 2 detoxification treatments, is learning to love himself and herself again. He advises dialogue, openness to loved ones and health professionals, particularly through associations. Also convinced that repression is not a solution, he evokes a consumption as controlled as possible. “If you slam yourself, use sterilized, clean equipment and trust only yourself.” Yann wanted to write a book about his escape from addiction to “help people who experience what I experienced, (…), pass on the keys that helped me escape” by providing testimony “optimistic, which is lacking today”.
Thanks to Yann, Loïc and Yoann for their testimonies and to the expert doctors for their collaboration.