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Siyana Mincheva (Psychologist, psychotherapist)
Are you in a relationship but faced with the difficulties encountered, are you considering breaking up? Before you end your relationship, there are six questions worth asking. Here they are, with the insight of our expert, Siyana Mincheva, psychologist.
In a relationship, there are ups and downs, but when the relationship is no longer working, it may be time to end it. Before that, it is important to ask yourself questions, six in particular, in order to analyze things. Here are the ones.
Do I avoid difficult conversations?
When you’re in a relationship, there are difficult but unavoidable conversations. “It is important to question yourself before leaving the couple and this includes asking yourself the question of your investment in this relationship.” begins Siyana Mincheva. If we avoid difficult conversations, this perhaps demonstrates a lack of investment precisely in this relationship.
Did I know how to talk to my partner about my needs?
Everyone has needs in a relationship. “If they are clearly expressed, and nothing happens, it has not been heard by the partner, it means that there is a problem and it is worth asking the question, before breaking up” confirms the specialist. “It is important to also think about what is left unsaid, on your part or that of your partner”.
Did I know how to meet my partner’s needs?
We can wonder if in the relationship, our needs have been met, but in a relationship, we must not be selfish, it must be reciprocal. Indeed, it develops in different aspects. “There is an emotional bond that is created through hugs, tenderness, attitude, conversation… Many things strengthen the emotional bond and the needs of your partner. If this is not the case, it is worth asking the question again.” explains the psychologist.
Have I let myself get close enough emotionally?
“It’s something very individual“notes the expert.”If we have hurts from previous relationships, we tend to bring them back into a new relationship, with unconscious expectations, including that it won’t happen again.” she believes. “If we bring back our fears, for example, that will not allow us to be in total connection with others.”
Could my anxiety have impacted the relationship?
“Ask yourself this question, it’s good, because you have to question yourself before breaking up, but be careful not to question yourself too much, either” warns Siyana Mincheva. According to her, we must identify and clarify the issue of anxiety with ourselves and ask ourselves the right questions. “Here, we must rather determine whether I bring my anxiety to the couple or whether being in a relationship has made me anxious?” specifies Siyana Mincheva
Do you hold your partner responsible for your happiness?
“There is no such thing” the specialist immediately opposes. “You are the only person responsible for your happiness. If we demand it from the other, it means that we do not know how to give ourselves happiness and we will therefore not be able to give it to the other. Furthermore, if we make the other person responsible for our happiness, it is because there are doubts in the relationship but also a lack of self-confidence.” believes the psychologist.
Finally, the most important question, according to Siyana Mincheva is: “Do we see a future with our partner?” If this is not the case, this reflects the absence of common values and an inability to project oneself with the person. “This is a clear sign that the relationship cannot last.” concludes the psychologist.
Slide: Couple: 8 symptoms of burnout within the relationship