The nursery to drop off the youngest. As soon as he goes outside, we call the nanny who has to pick him up this evening so that she doesn’t forget the medicine after the bath. Checking the second grade’s homework, in CM2. We congratulate him in 8 seconds, he has a good lunch with the sixth grader, who is coughing, and we speak for the second time to the nanny who plays timekeeper. Call from a team member stuck at home with their child who has a fever. He will arrive late. Or not. We rewrite a precise pitch in tweet mode, because it must pass into the hands of the boss, who must validate it. Another call, we don’t understand anything, but the person seems angry. SMS from a friend who invites the family for the weekend and who talks about festivities, cases of champagne and dance floor. Totally out of sorts at 7:30 a.m. in the metro which is not moving. “And she runs all day/She runs from December to summer/From nanny to babysitter/From packs of diapers to 4-hour bottle/And she smokes, smokes, smokes even at breakfast”… Special dedication of Jean-Jacques Goldman. To mothers, fathers, managers, in a world where parenthood is expressed. Let us correct: to mothers, above all, since 75% of women identify a negative impact of motherhood on the progress of their career against a backdrop of often strong ambient sexism. (“Taking parenthood into account in life at work”, BVA consultation for the High Council for Professional Equality between Women and Men [CSEP]2019.) “Mothers have more difficulties,” confirms psychologist Angélica Barrero Guinand, head of the clinical department of ifeel, a company specializing in well-being at work.
Parenting or flexibility problem?
Difficulties, because women, managers or not, retain their biological differences (carrying the child, breastfeeding, etc.) and because old habits die hard: 91% of men with family responsibilities are employed compared to 76% of women (INSEE, March 2020). Some continue to invest less at home and more in the company, demanding the same from their team. How should we react when a meeting starts at 6:30 p.m., the toddler has finished studying, and a joker says: “Are you still taking the afternoon?” The famous glass ceiling: do more, delay/forget about motherhood, or look elsewhere. However, things are moving forward, as is the law on equality. But if – great victory – 78% of fathers took their paternity leave in full, this is the case for only 47% of senior executives. In addition, 55% of mothers say they take on the majority of parental responsibilities and the associated mental burden, compared to 8% of fathers (CSEP/BVA).
How to properly manage a team of parents, help mothers to do less, encourage fathers to take their part, when you are a parent yourself? “Is this a problem of parenting or rather of flexibility?” asks the expert. Remote working allows you to pick up your children from school and finish your work when they are in bed. A meeting in the middle of the night with Asia may help some. Fixed hours at work are appreciated by others. There is still a way to go for professions that are far from this chosen flexibility (catering, teaching, medical world, mass distribution, construction, etc.). But “companies must move in the direction of flexibility”, insists Angélica Barrero Guinand, to find solutions with a work-life balance that the European Union is calling for and that labor economists, like Claudia Goldin (Career & Family. Women’s Century-Long Journey Toward Equity, Princeton University Press, 2021), highlight.
Lego and mental load
However, the role of the manager is preponderant: “Create a safe environment where the employee can tell him what is possible or not. He must play the card of transparency and trust,” explains the psychologist. Take into account the imperatives of each person, of the company, and assemble these Lego bricks so that everyone finds balance. Discussing and constantly modifying is management with its unforeseen circumstances. Relieve the guilt of the absent, do not overburden those present. Take inspiration from Anglo-Saxon or Scandinavian groups who are involved in parenting, by making fathers take their leave… while also applying this right. Don’t forget that those who don’t have children also have a private life. There is no cure for moving, without mental burden, from a team to your tribe when work infiltrates everywhere via digital technology. So you have to set non-negotiable schedules. And, when you are with your family, you no longer lead a team in productivity mode, but you are 100% part of a family. With other rules, having put on his parent’s costume, embroidered with imperfections and love.