What is a micro-aggression at work? Several reference articles have looked into the subject and here are some seemingly innocuous words to avoid with colleagues…
Disinterest in the CDI, multiplication of stops, loss of meaning, questions about teleworking… Since the pandemic, the relationship to work has been the subject of many questions. And social relations in the company hold a very special place. While a number of top CEOs want their employees back in the office, reconnecting with co-workers isn’t always so obvious.
“Micro-aggressions”, often communicated through language, can indeed make a workplace “uncomfortable” or even “toxic”. Several media like Forbes Or Business Insider have already dealt extensively with the subject across the Atlantic. But what is a micro-aggression at work? Here are some mistakes to avoid, so subtle that it’s often hard to guess if you’ve already blundered.
- “I don’t know if you read my last email…” – Here is a friendly reminder that hides an indirect attempt to demand a faster response. She can make the other person feel that you are bossy or that you are simply trying to rush or even harass them.
What to say instead? If you need something, it’s okay to say, “I need an answer on this.” - “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…” – This phrase almost always precedes something annoying or offensive. The lazy and selfish logic behind this expression is to believe that it is possible to be unpleasant if you have warned beforehand. But there is nothing more false.
What to say instead? Avoid personal judgements, instead focus on the problem you want to solve. - “What’s new ?” / “Where are we?” / “How are you doing with this task?” – Softening a request may seem polite, but it can also feel like a form of passive aggression. The pressure put on the shoulders of your colleagues is only increased tenfold.
What to say instead? If you’re asking for something as a boss or even a colleague, don’t pretend to be a friend and bring issues and deadlines straight up. - “You look tired” / “Aren’t you hungry today?” – Someone who “looks tired” already knows this and doesn’t need to be reminded. Be careful and never comment on the appearance of a colleague at the risk of falling into judgment. The body, like eating habits for that matter, is everyone’s business and does not need to be examined.
What to say instead? Just ask “how are you” and offer a coffee or your help if you feel unwell. - “Guys” / “Girls” / “You…” – Referring to a group of people or more or less arbitrarily assimilating an individual to a community highlights your preconceptions and can go in extreme cases to discrimination, sexism or racism, in addition to lowering your level of professionalism.
What to say instead? With colleagues “you”, “your organization” or “your team” will suffice. - “I told you so” / “It’s like that” – A fatalistic and above all petty formula that often belittles those who have tried, without providing them with an ounce of solution. It tells your co-workers that there is no way to improve and they need to stop trying new things.
What to say instead? Praise your colleague for at least trying and, why not, find a way to improve their approach.
Bad habits to forget
This list is obviously not exhaustive, many other phrases or expressions should be avoided so as not to appear aggressive or negative. It is often said that the “no problem”, dropped carelessly after a task or a service, disturbs because it implies on the contrary that it caused you a problem. Conversely, say “it’s not my problem”even if true, signals that you don’t care about the difficulties of your co-workers and even that you blame these problems on them.
“I’m very busy” or “I’m overwhelmed” may have the merit of frankness, but also signals to your interlocutors that they have no interest in asking for your help, or even sometimes talking to you.