A parenting expert shares her #1 rule for raising successful kids. It is simple, but requires a strong mind.
Respect, work, self-esteem… All parents have wondered one day if they were instilling the right values in their children and especially if their method of doing so was the right one. The lively debates that have recently resurfaced in France on the concept of benevolent education have proven it again. The ambient pessimism and the eco-anxiety that is taking hold of part of society also make us think about the future of the next generations.
However, if you want to raise successful children, you will first have to free yourself from your anxieties and put your scowl in the closet. Michele Borbaan educational psychologist and parenting expert, recently explained to an American channel : “Our beliefs and attitudes affect our children”. According to her, “if pessimism becomes permanent or pervasive, it robs our children of hope”.
Rule number 1 to follow
According to this specialist, there is therefore only one rule for parents to respect: “be optimistic as regularly as possible”. A pious wish in view of the waves of polls showing the tenacious pessimism of the French. In April, an Ifop poll for the JDD indicated that 72% of French people were “pessimistic about the future of France”; in July, an Elabe poll for La Tribune estimated that 78% of those who say that France “is not doing well”, including 25% “not well at all”, 61% even thinking that it is “in decline”. .
This pessimism could become a self-fulfilling prophecy if it settles permanently in the heads of our children according to Michele Borba, who believes that “your attitude as a parent is contagious”. An optimistic outlook can help children thrive, while pervasive negativity can, along with stress, cause them to lose interest and hope, research shows, creating a huge gap to bridge for a happy and successful life. .
Little things to do every day
The psychologist gives some practical advice to ensure that children see difficulties as obstacles to be overcome rather than excuses for doing nothing. This starts with looking at your own habits. And the holidays come just in time for this:
- Discuss at least once a day (at the table or elsewhere) a positive thing that has happened in your daily life, or a more general good news. Ask your children about their best moments of the day or the night before. Try repeating positive thoughts out loud on stressful or down days.
- Take care of your appearance and think about your facial expressions, including with your family: worry is not only communicated through words but also through behavior.
- Encourage home service and, more broadly, volunteering. Contributing to a good cause is proof that you can “make a difference”, become an “agent of change”.
- Turn off the TV when you find yourself stuck in a flurry of negative news or cut off conversations that dwell too long on a problem or bad news.
- In the event of a problem, make the effort to list the possible solutions or the elements that allow you to put things into perspective (“It’s okay, we have this solution”, “Fortunately, we still have this or that”).
- Talk with your children about sad or scary things that are happening in the world, but frame those conversations so that you don’t sound desperate.
Michele Borba assures us that it is not a question of being in denial or of becoming blind to the problems. According to her, you should not deny the difficulties, but identify the behaviors that lock you into a spiral of pessimism or anxiety and not give in to them.
Optimism can be learned and taught according to the expert, which is good news for parents and children alike. These visible efforts will empower children to self-address surrounding worry or personal anxieties and say to themselves “I’m going to keep going” as opposed to “Why should I keep going”. “That’s probably one of the highest correlations of success,” she concludes.