Questioning ourselves is a process that opens the door to introspection, pushes us to rethink our choices and step out of our comfort zone. Sometimes difficult, questioning offers the possibility of knowing oneself better and improving oneself.
Questioning is an introspection that allows us to get to know each other better and align their actions with their values. Beneficial, it is not always easy to do. How to question yourself? When to do it? What are the boundaries ? Process to follow on the advice of psychologist Noémie Le Menn.
Definition: what is a questioning?
Questioning is a personal process in which we examine our thought patterns, beliefs and actions. It’s a way to grow and grow as an individual, stepping out of our comfort zone and challenging our thought patterns and our preconceptions. It’s a taking a step back that allows us to ask ourselves if what we think, believe or do is really in agreement with who we are and what we want in life.
When should you question yourself?
Questioning yourself is good, but not all the time and not just anytime. “If I no longer thrive in my work, I see the future negativelythat I no longer enjoy working or spending time with those around me, that I do nightmares, anxiety attacks and those around me find me grumpy so it might be worth questioning“cites the psychologist as an example. Here are other situations in which it would be beneficial to begin a process of questioning:
- Conflicts or tensions in my friendly, family or romantic relationships
- Chess in my professional, academic or personal life
- Important decisions to take (moving for example)
- Deep desire for change (professional retraining for example)
- Recurrent and harmful patterns in my relationships, behaviors or outcomes (repeated toxic relationships)
- Persistent sense of emptiness, discomfort or dissatisfaction in one or more areas of my life
“Questioning yourself is a cognitive reassessment process which consists of asking questions. It is a way of reflecting on one’s way of thinking, acting, feeling and to question oneself on the interest or not of changing“ says the psychologist. Here are the questions to ask yourself (for example) to reflect on your attitude:
- Do my personal relationships are healthy and nurturing ?
- Is it that Am I surrounding myself with positive people? Do I feel respected and valued in my interactions with others?
- Am I open to communication and conflict resolution in a healthy way?
- Does my living environment suit me?
- Am I spending enough time to my passions and hobbies?
- Am I open to discovering new activities and get out of my comfort zone?
- Am I actively involved in activities or causes that are close to my heart?
- do i maintain a healthy lifestyleincluding a balanced diet and regular exercise?
- Am I being attentive to my emotional and mental needs and being supported when needed?
- Am I giving myself enough time to rest and recharge my batteries?
- Am I satisfied and fulfilled in my current job?
- what can i do change for me to flourish?
” • What can I change to improve myself?” and “It allows me to grow as a
as individuals, to evolve and improve. “The goal is not to seek perfection, but to aim for growth and improvement”: It is about thriving better (improving could mean becoming “better” on a value scale… whereas this is a question of “improving” one’s psychological well-being (serenity, pleasure, feeling of self-fulfillment, of being in tune with oneself, etc.). Perhaps replace “improvement” by ” blooming”?
And it is this “well-being”, which increases pleasantness, the power of conviction, resilience, perseverance, cognitive abilities (by eliminating emotional and mental overload), which improves performance…
What are the benefits of questioning?
Questioning is a beneficial process on several levels:
► Growth and fulfilment: questioning leads to get to know each other better, explore their core values, beliefs and motivations. This allows to grow as individuals, to evolve and flourish.
► Social relations : by questioning our own behaviors, attitudes and reactions, we can be more aware of the impact we have on others. This can lead to a more authentic communication, better mutual understanding and healthier relationships and more fulfilling.
► Adaptability and flexibility: challenging habitual thought patterns and behaviors promotes development greater mental flexibility. This makes more open to change, more able to adapt to new situations and more inclined to learn new things.
► Decision and responsibility: questioning makes it possible to take his responsibilities. Examining one’s actions and choices helps to become aware of our personal power and ability to positively influence our lives. This reinforces the feeling of autonomy.
► Learn to name and say what you feel. “If doing it in happy situations is generally quite easy, it is important to know how to do it in moments of suffering rather than withdrawing into oneself” encourages our expert.
The goal is not to seek perfection, but to aim for growth and fulfillment.
“Questioning is not Absolutely no self-flagellation. It’s no use to to feel guilty or to humiliate oneself is even counterproductive. For that, we avoid being devalued by deleting phrases such as “I suck, I’m stupid, I missed”. We must relearn how to speak to each other correctly, with respect, as if you were talking to your child or your best friend” proposes Noémie Le Menn.
Why can’t I question myself?
Questioning can be a difficult and uncomfortable process, because it means questioning our certainties and get out of our comfort zone. “Questioning oneself involves a scary change but it is necessary to underline the fact that we are not talking about a change of personality, the questioning will not transform you completely but improve you and make you evolve positively” encourages our interlocutor. The conflict of loyalties is another important barrier to questioning. “Loyalty to particular behaviors or styles can lead to reproduce family culture and values. Many people use excuses such as “my mother was like that, my parents raised me like thatin my environment it happens like that” so as not to question yourself. You have to go through the conflict of loyalty, remember that each era is different and that not reproducing exactly the values and beliefs of your parents does not imply not necessarily a rupture“adds the psychologist.
What are the limits of questioning?
Excessive questioning can lead to a excessive self-criticism and low self-esteem. It is important to maintain a healthy balance between self-examination and self-acceptance. The goal is not to seek perfection, but rather to aim for growth and fulfillment. A tendency to constantly question can lead to a decision paralysis. It is important to find a balance between introspective reflection and concrete action. “It is important to do things gradually, not to question everything but certain points step by step. We must see the personality as a house with walls, some of which are carriers. These do not see being shaken suddenly, we take the time and we do not upset the “foundations” of the person“ warns our interlocutor.
Thanks to Noémie Le Menn, psychologist.