Scarification and self-mutilation can affect some children badly in their skin. These not insignificant gestures are generally calls for help. How to explain them? What can you do to help your child? Analysis and advice from Anaïs Barrattini, psychologist.
During adolescence, which is a period of transition fraught with ups and downs, a teenager who feels bad in his head may be tempted to to scarify or of mutilate the body. These gestures and these marks which remain on the skin are not insignificant acts, and can be the sign of several sufferings in the adolescent. Opposite, parents do not always know how to react. Why is my child sacrificing himself? What can be done to help him and what is the support in this type of situation? Clinical psychologist Anaïs Barrattini enlightens us.
What are the types of scarification in adolescents?
A teenager who scarifies himself can be tempted to express their discomfort by bodily ailments such as cuts in the skin, lacerations or cigarette burns. Cutting your skin and intentionally making cuts – more or less long and more or less deep – is not a trivial act.
Why is my teenager sacrificing himself?
Why does my teenager voluntarily damage his body by mutilating himself? According to psychologist Anaïs Barrattini, “scarifying or mutilating oneself is not only a temporary relief, but it allowsexternalize inner suffering, psychic conflicts or identity malaise“. The teenager, who fails to verbalize his discomfort, uses his skin as a “territory of affirmation”.
Scarification also allows it to find your bodily limitsit is also a way of wanting regain control of your bodyat a time when the latter is constantly changing and is sometimes difficult to accept.
“Sacrificing oneself allows the teenager to exteriorize inner suffering, psychic conflicts or identity malaise.”
Seeing their teenager mutilate themselves or seeing scars on their body, parents generally do not know how to react, nor how to help their child. The psychologist gives them several tips:
Do not give in to panic and avoid judging
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Ideally, parents should not give in to panic and they should above all avoid judging their teenager. The most important is “oftry to understand why he mutilates himself, what it hideswhat it gives him, if it relieves him and in what context he scarifies himself, in particular to see if this is not associated with more severe disorders (eating disorders, suicide attempts, depression, etc.)“, advises the expert.
Hear the call for help
Consider his gesture a cry for help and as a desire to be listened to and understood. If you are not a support for him, even if you have an accusatory attitude, the young person is likely to turn his back and withdraw more. Nevertheless, useless to want at all costs to see his scars : he will probably be ashamed of it and it might embarrass him.
Talk to your teenager
Try to establish a dialogue with your teenager, and dare to ask him the right questions: is he bullied at school? Did he have a heartache? Does he feel lost and alone in his life? If in the best case, your teenager confides, he may also refuse to talk to you about it, for fear of your reaction.
If he refuses, offer to discuss it with a neutral interlocutor – preferably a listening professional such as a psychologist or a child psychiatrist depending on the seriousness of the situation – or with an adult in the family (an aunt, a grandparent…) in whom he fully trusts.
Find supports for him to express himself
If your child categorically refuses to get help, invite him to express his suffering by writing : a blog, a diary, a forum where he can discuss with Internet users who are, or who have been in the same situation as him.
Be patient and confident
In this type of situation, patience and trust in your child is important. Although being worried, feeling guilty and being afraid are totally normal attitudes, avoid getting into paranoia and removing all razors and sharp objects from the house. Instead, show him that you trust him and be patient: “self-harm is, in many cases, a fleeting practice that disappears with dialogue, listening and often with outside help“, reassures the psychologist.
When to worry about scarification in adolescents?
Self-harm does not necessarily mean that the teenager wants to end his life. In most cases, he just wants transform internal and psychic pain into real, visible and concrete painwhich, paradoxically, “gives more meaning to his suffering and erases, temporarily, his inner wounds“, says the expert. “VSe what worries is the compulsive and repetitive side of the gesture“, she adds. Indeed, the appeasement and relief that the mutilations bring him remain temporary and push him to start again. In short, It is “a vicious circle in which the teenager has no choice but to make this gesture to find appeasement, calm down and exteriorize his suffering“, she deciphers.
What should I do if my teenager self-harms?
Who to ask for help? Parents whose teenager self-mutilates can request the help of a psychologist or go to the family doctor who will be able to refer them to a health professional specializing in these issues. There is also associations and helplines intended for parents and teenagers who provide help, but also advice. We find in particular:
- Youth Health Wirefor 12-25 year olds, by phone on 0800 235 236 and by online chat on sonantejeunes.com provided by psychologists and doctors. Free and anonymous call, every day from 9 a.m. to 11 p.m. (and until 10 p.m. for the chat).
- Unafam family listeningfor parents or relatives of sick people, by phone on 01 42 63 03 03. Free and anonymous call, Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. and 2 p.m. to 6 p.m. (5 p.m. on Friday). More detail
- Lighthouse Children Parentsby telephone on 01 43 46 00 62 (Monday to Friday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., price of a non-surcharged call) or by email [email protected] or [email protected].
What support in case of scarification in teenagers?
In case of scarifications, your teenager can benefit from a medical and psychological care. If your child agrees to see a shrink, the sessions can be one-on-one with the teenager or in the presence of the parents (but always with the teenager’s agreement). Thus, the psychologist or the psychiatrist will help him to express or to understand the origin of his suffering and will allow to re-establish a link and a communication with his parents. Note that wanting to talk about it is already a first sign of healing.