Everyone needs to have uncomfortable conversations sometimes – no matter how much we want to avoid them.
But are there good ways to deliver bad news?
Motivation expert Antoni Lacinai gives his best tricks to facilitate difficult conversations.
– Show empathy and accept the reaction without smoothing over, he says.
Relationships are a part of life – for all of us. Regardless of whether it is friends, colleagues or a partner, we constantly need to relate to other people in our everyday life. And sometimes this means having difficult conversations and delivering tough messages. Maybe you need to fire an employee, tell your family there’s no money for a vacation, or even end a relationship. Although it’s never fun to deliver bad news, there are things you can think about to do it in a good way.
Be clear
According to motivation expert Antoni Lacinai, one of the most common mistakes many people make is to “walk like a cat around hot porridge” – i.e. to postpone the difficult conversation. Although it may feel good in the moment to bury your head in the sand and avoid these conversations, it is not a good long-term solution.
– The risk of waiting is that the person feels cheated when the news does come, explains Lacinai.
Instead, be clear and say pretty soon what you want to talk about. Depending on how comprehensive the message is, several calls may be required for the message to sink in, for example if it concerns a serious illness message. Once you’ve delivered your message, you can give a little more background and explain the reason for your decision.
Show empathy
Another common mistake is to tell someone to back off immediately after delivering a bad message instead of allowing the recipient to feel sorry.
– It is important that you show that you show empathy and that you understand that this actually affects the other person, says Lacinai.
If it is about terminating an acquaintance, a relationship or an employment, you can expect that it will arouse difficult feelings in the recipient.
– It is in our DNA that we should belong to the herd and if you tell someone that they must not belong to the herd anymore, there will probably be a strong negative reaction. Then it’s important to distinguish between thing and person and let the person feel their difficult feelings while sticking to what you said and not trying to gloss over it.
Although it is difficult to have this type of conversation, it is important to know that disagreement does not have to be the same as having a conflict with someone. We can be very respectful even though we don’t think the same.
– If you do this in a good way, you win that person’s approval and respect in the long term, says Lacinai.