How to control your emotions? At work ? In love ?

Why not let yourself be overwhelmed by your emotions?

If it is not recommended to rein in your emotions, it is also not desirable to let yourself be overwhelmed! And that, whether positive emotions (joy, love, curiosity, pride…) or negative emotions (fear, sadness, jealousy, frustration…). “This would mean that we will have tried to control them upstream and that this attempt has failed.“explains the hypnotherapist. It is better to manage them well. Including those perceived as disabling in trying to understand the positive intention and the mechanism. “It is important to integrate the fact that at some point in our life, for a reason that often escapes usa defense system has been set up in order to protect us and that it activates each time it is confronted with the same type of threat“, explain Alice Jaget, hypnotherapist.

Too much control can even be harmful

It is not possible to control your emotions, especially negative emotions as it is a survival mechanism: there is bound to be resistance. “In the best case it will not bring any result and in the worst it will aggravate the manifestation of the emotion. If we compare emotion to a wave, trying to control it would be like trying to push it away with your hands. We understand that it is useless and that there is a good chance that we will even end up drinking the cup“advises Alice Jaget. Too much control can even be harmful and – in extreme cases – panic attacks. “Conversely, emotions may be so repressed thatthey will lead to psychosomatic problems, obsessive-compulsive disorders or certain addictions“ warns specialist.

As a couple, to manage your emotions, it is important to know how to identify them and to look for their cause. “It is the best gift one can give to oneself and to others. It is surprising to note that in an equal situation, if the emotion is regulated, that is to say if it does not intervene badly, our perception will be totally transformed.e, advises Alice Jaget. I have the example of a woman who came to see me because she was still angry. She regularly got angry with her companion whom she adored. She had realized that the problem was her and wanted to change because she felt very guilty, once calm had returned, for her outbursts of anger. After one session, she was surprised to find that what would have pissed her off before was indifferent to her now. She felt more serene and we can assume that her companion and her colleagues too“.

The better we understand the mechanism, the more we are able to distance ourselves from our emotional reactions.

In the professional context, just like when we are in couple or in the circle of friends and family, to manage our emotions, it is important to be “clear” with them. “During my sessions I spend a lot of time explaining “How it works” because I see that, the better we understand the mechanism, the more we are able to distance ourselves from our emotional reactions. This is a first step that seems essential to me. advises the hypnotherapist. The second step is to accept feelings, that is to say the sensations they cause, without trying to control them or avoid the situations that generate them. But above all do the opposite of what we generally do. In the workplace, for example, the idea is to find the right balance. The advice of the professional is simple. “If, because I’m afraid to take the elevator, I systematically take the stairs, then I reinforce my fears. If I force myself into the elevator trying to block out all emotion, then I’m likely to feel even worse. The right attitude is median, that is to say continue to expose yourself while accepting that the emotion will manifest itself“.

Highly sensitive people feel many more emotions than the average person. For Alice Jaget, it is even a considerable asset provided you know how to regulate them. “Emotions are often of higher intensity and therefore more present. To manage them, the approach is the same as for non-hypersensitive patients, namely: understand the emotional mechanisms then intervene on the emotions with the right tools“.

Solutions: who to consult to learn how to manage their emotions?

EMDR is very beneficial especially if the emotional blockage is related to a traumatic event

For the specialist, brief so-called “solutionist” therapies“are best suited to learn how to manage our emotions.”This is the case of behavioral therapies (TCCs for example) which will desensitize the alarm signals by a progressive exposure protocol. CBTs are particularly effective, especially for phobias. The downside is that these are quite long supports“explains the hypnotherapist. hypnosis is also effective in inducing new information through the unconscious. Be careful though, “we are not all “hypnotizable” in the same way so it can give quite unequal results” warns Alice Jaget. Another avenue could be to turn to theEMDR, an eye movement desensitization technique. “It is very beneficial especially if the emotional blockage is linked to a traumatic event. TIPI emotional regulation is also to be considered. “It gives quite amazing results because the process of desensitization is done through the bodily sensations experienced by revisiting the emotion. It is a therapy accessible to all, and which can be practiced with a therapist for specific treatments or independently to improve one’s daily life.“.

Thanks to Alice Jaget, hypnotherapist