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Two health professionals have organized an online discussion group on parental regret, an appointment which must take place every first Tuesday of each month, free of charge. Parents can therefore express themselves freely on this rather taboo subject. But how can a woman regret giving birth? How can she free herself from this guilt? The answers of Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist in Paris.
They are our colleagues from Parisian which echo this system: an online discussion group set up by a child psychiatrist, Anaïs Ogrizek, in charge of liaison between the Maison de Solenn and the Cochin hospital in Paris, and her colleague, the psychologist Cynthia Ghanimeh. It aims to free the words of parents who suffer from having become so.
According to Johanna Rozenblum, a woman can regret her motherhood when it will not be a deeply considered, nurtured choice, but rather something that has been imposed on her. “It can go through an education, a posture, a societal injunction that makes these women have one or more children. But in reality, they realize that this desire was not necessarily nurtured, and say to themselves that they have made a choice dictated by society, but which was not so much the result of a deep will”.
For the specialist, the individual history of each woman is also to be taken into account. “This may be related to a family history, a violent relationship during pregnancy, for example, the narcissistic personality of the mother who may find it difficult to pay attention to her baby more than to her or even a difficult postpartum for which the mother will find this explanation… We must also take into account individualities, to understand“.
Freedom of speech, but beware of the consequences
Being able to say that one regrets being a mother was taboo a few years ago. “Nevertheless“, assures Johanna Rozenblum, “there have always been women who have asked themselves the question of their maternity, if it was in line with their desire. Speech has simply been released on these subjects“.
But saying out loud that you regret becoming a mother can be devastating to hear for the child in question. “In reality, these women regret the role of being a mother, which is a lifelong role and from which there is no going back, but they love their children deeply.“adds Johanna Rozenblum.
On the other hand, it is difficult for the child to hear these words, because we instinctively correlate – and almost condition – the desire for motherhood with the love we will have for this child. “If ever a child hears this type of remark, it is necessary to explain to him that we distinguish the role of mother and the love that we have for him, that these are two different things. counsel the psychologist.
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Verbalize your emotions and preserve the child
Finally, for Johanna Rozenblum, it is important for women who have this feeling to verbalize their emotions. “This can be through a discussion group or individually, with a specialist, it is always positive to evoke and externalize this type of feeling.. What you should not do, however, is to take the child to witness this suffering. “The child didn’t ask for anything, he shouldn’t be some sort of cathartic object that would serve to externalize that” concludes the specialist.
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