– We are dead among the living. When I asked the rapist to kill me, he said he would let me live so that I and my family would remember better.
This is what one of the wartime rape victims told a Kosovar doctor For Feride Rushit. He has heard and seen more cruel stories than he cares to remember.
In the Kosovo war in 1998-99, up to 20,000 people – women, children and men – were victims of sexual violence.
The harsh life stories changed the direction of Feride Rushit’s life. He decided to give up his job as a doctor and start supporting the tortured and raped.
This is how he started the aid organization Kosovo Rehabilitation Center for Torture Victims. Over the years, the organization’s mission has expanded to help a variety of vulnerable people.
In the Balkans, rape dishonors the family
A rape victim often feels shame. The number of victims is especially heavy in the Balkans, where the honor of family and clan is traditionally important. They would rather remain silent than cause suffering to their loved ones.
– In our culture, we want to solve things and keep them within the family. I tried to protect the victims by publicly talking about gynecological problems, even though the real reason was rape. If the phone rang in the middle of the reception, the patient said he was at the general practitioner, Rushiti tells in Helsinki.
He says that after the war, torture could be discussed with trauma care professionals, but sexual violence was kept quiet due to the sensitivity of the matter. Therefore, the cases were initially treated as torture.
Rushiti tried to create a safety zone around the patient where conversation would be possible.
– My mother-in-law could be sitting next to me listening. Trust was built slowly.
In the interview, Rushiti emphasizes finding out and documenting what happened several times. According to him, reporting experiences helps in the investigation of possible war crimes and in seeking compensation and in time also in recovery.
Even the walls of the home remind us of shame
Rapes are a crude form of warfare in conflicts. The acts may be committed in the victims’ homes. When violence is experienced within one’s own, familiar walls, it increases the shock effect of the act.
– The next time the victim goes to the kitchen or bedroom, the experience rises from the walls and floor. Few people can change housing in exceptional circumstances. Rape at home is a message that nowhere is safe.
In the male-dominated society, Feride Rushiti has also faced doubts and belittlement.
– In the first years, the subject was so sensitive that it was not even possible to talk about it publicly. Now the thinking has started to change.
The Kosovo parliament recognized the status of victims of sexual and gender-based violence in the war in 2014. Twenty years have passed since the war. Because of the status recognition, victims are entitled to a small regular compensation.
Recovery starts with the facts
There is enough work in the Balkans, but the same is also happening in Ukraine and other conflict areas. The means of helping are also the same. Feride Rushiti emphasizes the importance of careful documentation also in cases of victims of the Russian attack.
In the spring, he followed the discussion about the human rights commissioner fired by the Ukrainian parliament. Lyudmila Demisova was found to have told about exceptionally brutal rapes by Russian soldiers, the authenticity of which has not been confirmed.
– In war, the truth is often the first victim, but it is more important to stick to the facts. If the intention was to help the Ukrainians, the effect may have been the opposite.
Published in October According to the UN report (you switch to another service) some Russian soldiers have committed rapes in the areas occupied by Russia in the regions of Kyiv, Kharkiv, Chernihiv and Sumy at the end of February and in March.
These are war crimes. According to the report, among the victims of sexual violence there are women, men and children, the age of the victims has varied from four to over eighty.
The report states that in several cases the acts have also amounted to torture. The victims have been treated cruelly and in some cases their family members have been forced to watch the acts.
You can see survivors on the streets
In rape, victims get injuries both physically and mentally. Many have anxiety, depression and sleep problems that require long-term help. Women don’t dare to get married or go to work. They can’t catch up to normal life.
The traumas also radiate to the children of the raped. According to Feride Rushit, in the organization’s survey, about 30 percent of the children had the same type of symptoms as the mothers. That’s why children’s therapy is also important.
How does Rushiti cope with the mentally taxing job he has been doing for over 20 years?
– When you see a person recovering, it helps. The children who saw the war in Kosovo, including those born as a result of rape, are now young people in their twenties. Every day I see stories of survival on the streets of Pristina.
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