I follow a large account on Instagram called Male Babies. The account has 158,000 followers. The person in charge of the account, the administrator, is anonymous.
According to the definition of this account, male babies are men who are emotionally closed, self-absorbed. They expect to be curled. They take no responsibility, neither for themselves nor their families, hence the word male baby or the abbreviation mebis.
I get caught up in the flow when I lie in bed next to my husband or sit with him on the couch in front of the TV. I lock myself in the toilet, let him take care of everything that happens outside and keep scrolling.
In the account mixed testimonies from followers, experiences from spontaneous meetings, but above all relationships with men. Nothing that is told on the account is ever to any man’s advantage and all men’s bad behaviors can be traced to the fact that they are just men.
One woman writes about an acid man she met in traffic, another about how a date tried to tease herself inside her panties, a third about how the real half behaves like a lazy gorilla.
Some stories are completely bizarre. While others strike something in me too. Those who revolve around it seem vague but oh so important to put into words: Emotional responsibility. Love kiss. Call it what you will, the work traditionally done by women to hold together the putty we call family. What women have done at all times and continue to do.
An enormous amount of work that is often underestimated.
Several of the followers agree that it will get worse when the children come. They feel that they receive too little support from their partner at the same time as the responsibility for home and family is tripled. Many write that they have loosened up, that they have broken up and “dumped the male baby”.
The topic “men who behave badly and take women for granted” is engaging. The rebellious mood in the comment fields can be felt. The women are tired of the demands of patriarchy placed on them.
I agree with. It’s a monkey, but how do we proceed?
However, you never get any answers to that here. The administrator is strict, the tones are not gracious. She writes “it should not take a woman to make a man out of a baby” and explains that here you can only confirm each other’s experiences and highlight examples of the disadvantages that it means to be a woman in relation to men. If you do not adhere to the rules, you will be suspended from the comments field.
The idea is that women should read how other women feel and be inspired to draw boundaries. Type: I dare say no when I learn that my no is okay.
But the longer I follow the account, the more I start to wonder if this is really the best way.
Reading affects me. At times, I get more and more annoyed with my husband. My husband forgets socks on the living room floor once, I say: Stop such a mebis.
He’s sharks. What does it mean? He has never heard the word. I explain, he’s hurt. As if I had walked behind his back.
And here and there it actually feels that way.
How long have I been thinking he’s a male baby? Why did I not say something? He does not want to be a mebis.
I realize I do not have talked to him about what I read. Even though it is very much about him. Not just as “my husband”, but as “a man”.
One should ask oneself the question, why do we know such different things about things that we should see as common. We who live so close. Men and women – he and I.
I do not think it is wrong to vent their frustration in separatist rooms on social media. But if we want to be as equal as we want, we must also talk to each other.
No, now I’m starting to tease my account instead.
Read more texts by Nadia Jebril