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Whether in a relationship or in friendship, being manipulated is never a pleasant feeling. When you finally find the strength to get away from this toxic person, they will do everything they can to keep you. Here are the eight typical text messages they could send you, in order to get you back.
When a manipulated person decides to move away from their tormentor, it is the beginning of the loss of control for the manipulator. He will then be ready to do anything to win back his victim. What will his approaches be? Here are eight typical text messages, which can be sent as so many digs, to maintain control, after having been challenged.
“Wow, I never thought you’d say that to me. I’ve always been there for you, and this is how you repay me? I’m so hurt.”
This text message is written in such a way as to reverse the roles and make you appear as the bad guy (or bad guy). The text is written in such a way that the manipulator is perceived as being the victim of the story.
The goal here is to appeal to your empathy and sense of responsibility, hoping that you will backtrack and apologize. Don’t give in, and remind yourself of the reasons why you are ending the relationship in the first place to stand firm on your decision. If you feel you need to respond, write something like: “I understand that you’re hurt, but I have to put my well-being first. This isn’t about you, this is about what’s best for me.”
“Oh okay”
It sounds innocent, but in reality, the manipulator is hiding thinly veiled anger and resentment. Don’t let this pretense of nonchalance get to you. If you must respond, write a short sentence, such as “Thank you for understanding!”
“You’re overreacting. I never said/did that. You always exaggerate what I say.”
Denying the situation is typical of manipulators. They want to question your memory, sometimes even your sanity. If a manipulator is defensive, stand your ground and don’t let them rewrite the story. Instead, reaffirm what happened, adding: “I know what I heard, and it was hurtful. Don’t try to fool me.”
“Baby, I miss you so much. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Let’s forget this stupid fight.”
Love-bombing is a well-known strategy of manipulators, who offer you their affection and attention in order to regain your trust. It is a way to distract you from their bad behavior, to make you feel guilty for being upset and to make you eat out of the palm of their hand. So be careful if after an argument, the manipulator becomes too affectionate.
Remember the pain he caused you and don’t get carried away by this temporary charm offensive.
“If you don’t stop this nonsense, you’ll regret it. I know things about you that could ruin your life.”
When things aren’t going their way, manipulators resort to threatening their victims to regain control. But don’t let their threats scare you; take a minute to step back and take a deep breath. Stand your ground and remember that you have the right to set boundaries. And if you’re concerned about the threats, consider seeking support from loved ones or professionals.
“I’m going through a really hard time right now. I’m having a bad day… Can’t you just be a little more understanding?”
With this type of message, the manipulator wants his victim to feel sorry for him and forget about his own needs. Offer support if you can, but don’t let him guilt you into neglecting your own needs. You could say, “I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time” without further explanation.
“It’s all your fault. If you hadn’t said/done that, none of this would have happened.”
It is rare for a manipulator to accept responsibility in an argument and be accountable for their actions. On the contrary, you will always be responsible for their outbursts of anger and mistakes.
A manipulator who cheats on you, for example, will not apologize for his infidelity but will accuse you of having neglected him, which will explain his behavior (according to him!). Do not blame yourself for this and remember that everyone is responsible for their actions and their own well-being.
Feeling good in your body, feeling good in your head!
No text messages at all
Manipulators use their power by disappearing as well. If you don’t hear from them, this is also a passive-aggressive way to punish you. He’s not happy with how you acted or what you did, but he won’t tell you. Instead, he’ll leave you wondering what you did wrong.
This is a technique that allows you to feel guilty, with a good dose of anxiety thrown in. As difficult as it may be, the best thing to do is to focus on yourself, letting him come back to you when he is ready to express himself.
Slide: 10 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship