His actions, intentions or character harm others or even seek to harm…
“In general, a person labeled “bad” is seen as having harmful, selfish, or malicious intentions or behaviors toward others.” begins Florence Bernard, psychotherapist and editor at Quantum Way editions. More than the person themselves”it is a behavior that can be bad, hurtful, toxic and behind “bad behavior”, there is often a child’s injury, an unspeakable suffering, a dark side that we do not want to show”.
We are therefore talking about bad behavior and not bad people. Richard Schwartz, the creator of the IFS (Inner Family System) explains that no part of us is bad. “Even our darkest parts, our parts that can become violent, mean, crush others, denigrate or judge… All these parts that we can identify by our behaviors, our addictions, our obsessions, our compulsions, our habits or our personality traits, all those parts that we could describe as bad (for us or for others), in reality seek to protect us from suffering or more precisely try to prevent us from reliving situations from childhood in which we have suffered.” This is true for us and for others.
A person who behaves badly is:
- someone who does not respect the limits of others and in particular certain limits which do not need to be set, which go without saying, which are part of knowing how to live together
- someone who constantly says bad things about others
- someone who puts their own interests first and takes up all the space
- someone who is racist, misogynistic, intolerant
- someone who takes advantage of the vulnerability of others to gain power over them
- someone who complains or complains all the time, poses as a victim
- someone who humiliates others or is insensitive to others’ feelings
- someone who has a very individualistic view and doesn’t care about the common well-being
“On a daily basis, this is a person who may be constantly critical (denigration of others without good reason) or who refuses to recognize his mistakes or to apologize.” She may also use people for personal gain without regard for their feelings or well-being or make others feel guilty to get what they want (emotional manipulation). “Finally, it can be a person who shows verbal or physical violence and who will threaten, intimidate or attack others.”
At work, “a bad person” may intentionally hinder the work of others to make them look bad. “She may also claim successes due to the efforts of others or spread false or malicious information to harm someone’s reputation.” We can also observe forms of harassment (repeated intimidation, humiliation or abuse of colleagues) or lack of cooperation (refusal to collaborate or share information necessary for the common good).
It’s necessary learn to say no, advocate for your own interests, and establish clear boundaries for what is acceptable and what is not. “The only real protection would be to maintain physical distance but this is often not possible. We can then try to apply the 4 Toltec agreements”continues the psychologist. The Four Toltec Agreements are a set of simple but powerful principles drawn from the wisdom of the ancient Toltecs, a pre-Columbian civilization in Mexico. It’s about not taking anything personally, not making assumptions, having a positive and constructive communication and doing your best. Finally “training in conflict management and assertiveness can help you gain self-confidence and the ability to take care of yourself” concludes Florence Bernard.