8 “Cute” Early Relationship Behaviors That Can Become Problematic in the Long Run

in collaboration with

Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)

At the beginning of a relationship, many of us get carried away by a surge of (overflowing) enthusiasm. Each moment shared seems to open up an infinite field of possibilities. However, it is important to ensure that the little attentions of everyday life do not become excessive. Explanations.

Attentions that can turn into poison

Bouquet of flowers, massage, breakfast in bed… As soon as you start a new relationship, are you more of a romantic type? Be careful not to overdo it, otherwise you risk damaging your relationship.

So here are some behaviors that, while they may seem adorable at first, risk becoming real traps, especially in the long term.

1. Benevolent advice disguised as control.

“Offering advice under the guise of caring for someone else is cute and harmless at first. But over time, it can feel like constant surveillance. You suddenly find yourself transformed into a better version of yourself, under the watchful eye of your partner. What starts out as a charming gesture can quickly feel like an attempt to control and mold the other person to your own desires. In the long run, it’s a disaster, because it ends up stifling each other’s individuality and sowing resentment, making you feel like you’re never enough.“, warns Amélie Boukhobza.

2. Keep quiet to avoid conflict.

“At first, we prefer to avoid conflicts, we swallow our remarks, we choose our battles. We tell ourselves that it is for the good of the relationship, to preserve this beautiful nascent harmony. But each unsaid thing accumulates. Sometimes, things can only be expressed in an argument. So to remain silent is to condemn ourselves to explode one day or another. Conflicts also allow us to reestablish a healthy balance, to adjust mutually, to understand each other better. Ignoring this necessity is to make room for bitterness and imbalance” says the psychologist.

3. Always say “what you want”, “as you want”, “I don’t care”, “it’s your choice”…

“These little phrases seem to show great flexibility, but in the long term, they mainly betray self-effacement. By letting the other decide, we end up no longer hearing our own voice, no longer knowing what we really want. And paradoxically, we can end up feeling trapped by the will of the other, even though we are the ones who allowed this dynamic to take hold. The relationship then risks becoming unbalanced, generating frustration and incomprehension.“, warns the expert.

4. Always agree on everything.

“In the first moments, we like to tell ourselves that we have found our soulmatehis double, this person with whom everything seems to flow naturally. But by always agreeing on everything, we forget that each relationship is made up of two distinct people, with their own tastes, opinions, and desires. For fear of displeasing or creating a divergence, we say yes to everything and swallow our true feelings and thoughts. Illusory…! It is healthy and essential to affirm our disagreements, and to assert ourselves”, warns the specialist.

5. Overplaying emotional dependency.

“Showing how attached you are to someone else can seem endearing at first. We text all day long, we want to share everything, we tell ourselves that we can’t live without the other person. But in the long run, this dependency can become stifling and exhausting. It can even give the impression that we don’t know how to be happy or complete alone, which puts enormous pressure on the other person. Autonomy is essential to a balanced relationship ; without it, the relationship risks tipping into codependency,” warns the practitioner.

6. Pretending to like what the other person likes.

“To please, we pretend to like the same movie, the same band, or even the same hobby. It’s cute, it creates an instant connection, but it doesn’t last. By hiding our true tastes and preferences, we risk creating a gap between who we really are and the image we project. In the long run, this false complicity ends up revealing its flaws and each person realizes that they don’t really know the other.“, reveals Amélie Boukhobza.

7. Constantly sacrificing yourself for others.

“At first, being willing to do anything for someone else may seem like a proof of love deep. We cancel our plans, we change our habits, we constantly adapt to the needs of the other. But if this behavior becomes habitual, it can create an imbalance. Constantly sacrificing oneself is risking losing oneself. It is essential to find a right balance between giving and receiving, without denying one’s own needs.“, recalls the psychologist.

8. Wanting to be together all the time.

“In the early days of a relationship, we want to spend every moment with the other person. That’s normal! We merge, we are inseparable. But in the long term, it can become problematic. For each person to flourish individually, it is important to find a balance between shared moments and personal moments. Otherwise, it is a feeling of suffocation guaranteed!“, says the specialist.

Setting boundaries: the key to strengthening relationships?

These “cute” behaviors all have one thing in common according to Amélie Boukhobza: they often arise from good intentions, from a desire to please or protect the relationship.

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