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Should you ignore or get angry at someone who looks down on you? According to a behavioral specialist, there is a third option: respond intelligently. Proof in 7 simple sentences that can put a person in their place.
We all have in our entourage that person who knows everything better than everyone else and allows themselves to distill their comments and their little sarcasms, in an impolite or condescending way. But good news: you don’t have to tolerate this! In reality, it is even possible to defend yourself without getting angry, by offering an intelligent response which will aim to silence your interlocutor. In the media Hack SpiritAva Sinclair, behavior specialist, offers 7 alternatives that are as elegant as they are effective.
“I appreciate your point of view”
This simple phrase is a clever tool for disarming a condescending or rude person. “When someone is condescending, they are often trying to establish superiority in the conversation. He wants to feel like his point of view is the only one that matters.”
So when you respond, “I appreciate your point of view,” you are directly defusing the existing power play. You acknowledge their opinion without giving them the satisfaction of seeing you shaken or upset while maintaining a civil conversation. But subtly, you also indicate that you are not affected by their comment.
It may seem strange to thank someone who has just been rude. Yet this phrase can be a powerful tool in your communication arsenal. “When faced with rudeness, our first instinct is often to retaliate or defend ourselves. But what if, instead, we took their condescension as feedback? “It can completely change the dynamic of the conversation.” writes the expert.
Saying “Thank you for your comment” doesn’t mean you agree with them or accept their rudeness. On the contrary, it shows that you are open to criticism and mature enough to handle it. It can also pull the rug out from under someone who is trying to piss you off.
“Could you explain why you think that?”
When someone is condescending, it is often because they want to feel superior. She may have a deep conviction that her thoughts or opinions carry more weight than those of others. ““It’s interesting that when you ask someone to explain their thought process, it forces them to think about their own words,” continues the expert
So, asking “Could you explain why you think that?” can be a clever way to get them to reconsider their position and shifts the burden of proof onto them, while giving you a better understanding of their point of view. Concretely, this can even lead to a constructive conversation.
“I see it’s important to you.”
Everyone wants to feel heard and understood, even those who seem rude or condescending. Acknowledging the importance of what they are saying can be an effective way to diffuse tension.
“When you say, ‘I see this is important to you,’ you acknowledge their emotions and their points of view. You don’t agree with their rudeness, but you show that you understand their point of view.” The beautiful role is yours!
It can also catch the other person off guard, as they may expect a defensive or hostile reaction.
“I’ve felt this way before.”
This is a phrase to use if the person is not known for their sarcasm. We’ve all had times when we weren’t very pleasant to be around, and maybe that’s the case for him today.
“By saying, ‘I’ve felt this way before,’ you connect with the person on a human level and take the pressure off.”
This phrase doesn’t mean you agree with the person’s behavior, but it is a reminder that we are all human and subject to occasional errors in judgment or kindness. This can help the other person feel less defensive.
“Let’s focus on the problem at hand”
Are you afraid of letting yourself drift into an overly animated and critical conversion? Sometimes it can be helpful to bring the conversation back to the main topic. Because when a person resorts to condescension or rudeness, they are often straying from the real topic of discussion.
This sentence then sends a clear message: you are interested in productive dialogue and finding solutions, not participating in a verbal battle. In many cases, this can help bring the discussion back to a more respectful level.
Good in his body, good in his head!
“We all learn and grow”
Finally, it is essential to remember that no one is perfect. We all sometimes make mistakes or behave less politely. “When you tell a rude or condescending person, “We all learn and grow,” you remind them of this common human experience. It is a gentle invitation to introspection and a call toempathy“.
At the risk of coming across as a naive or overly kind person, you are the one who shows empathy and patience. Two qualities that will allow you to regain control.