7 Signs You’re Getting Bitter With Age (And How to Counter the Feeling)

in collaboration with

Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)

Are you bitter? Never ! And yet, for some time now, everything has been annoying you, making you complain, and it’s not getting better with time. So of course, events, even trials, shape you and play with your emotions, but it would be a shame to become a bitter person with age who constantly complains, right? Here are 7 behaviors that should alert you. And as a bonus, advice from our psychologist to once again see the positive in everyday life.

You harbor resentment

It is completely natural to sometimes feel wronged by events. However, how we respond to these grievances significantly influences our overall feeling. Be vigilant if you tend to become resentful, and ruminate on past wrongs, because you allow anger and resentment to fester and grow to become an integral part of your identity.

You always find a fault in a positive situation

The weather is nice ? Did you hear some good news? That should be enough to put a smile on your face. Well no. When a person becomes bitter they will find a fault, and a reason to reject positive news. Ironically, this counterintuitive behavior only amplifies their bitterness. By focusing only on the negatives and downplaying the positives, they unknowingly perpetuate their cycle of negativity.

You have a lot of trouble with change

Change is an inevitable part of life. As you get older, you face them whether in your personal life or in the world around you. But instead of accepting these transformations as opportunities for growth and evolution, bitter individuals often resist them and cling to the familiar past creating a barrier between themselves and the outside world.

You lack empathy for others

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It is a key component of emotional intelligence and an essential trait for maintaining healthy relationships. However, those who become bitter with age often demonstrate a lack of empathy. But remember, empathy grows with use. No longer showing it, on the other hand, can lead to the deterioration of your social ties. It is therefore a behavior which not only amplifies bitterness but also contributes to loneliness.

You are never satisfied with yourself

At the heart of the bitterness that grows with age, there is often a deep dissatisfaction with oneself. Bitter individuals are often their own harshest critics. They examine their lives through the lens of regret, focusing on missed opportunities, perceived failures, and unfulfilled dreams. They blame themselves for their situation and feel an immense sense of guilt and regret.

You reject expressions of love

Love, in its many forms, is a basic human need. However, those who become bitter with age often exhibit a surprising behavior: they reject expressions of love from those close to them because they foresee possible disappointment. Here again, they deprive themselves of an essential ingredient and unknowingly feed their bitterness.

You avoid social interactions

Social interactions give us the feeling of belonging to a community. However, as we age, some individuals display an increasing tendency to isolate themselves in an attempt to avoid potential conflicts or perceived judgments from others. Unfortunately, deprived of the joy, support and perspective that social interactions can bring, they become trapped in their negativity.

It remains important to remember that bitterness is rarely a choice. Most often it is a response to pain, disappointment or fear, a defense mechanism that can spiral out of control if not treated in time. Fortunately, recognizing these behaviors in ourselves is the first step toward alleviating bitterness. For psychologist Amélie Boukhobza, member of our committee of experts, there are a few habits you can put in place to counter this feeling:

• Take time to think about what might be causing these feelings. Is it related to specific experiences, unresolved regrets, or a fear of what remains of the future? Trying to understand the source of the bitterness could help defuse it.
• Actively practice gratitude can counteract these feelings of bitterness. “I like to give this exercise to my patients: every day, write down three things for which you are grateful, including very small things (a person’s smile, a small attention, the sound of the waves or the sun…). It can help you see life a little differently…”
• Cultivate healthy relationships and stay away from toxic relationships. Because relationships can become more complex with age. “Seeking to spend time with people who make us feel good is always more beneficial!”
• Engage in new activities. Or resuming old passions can restore joy and meaning. An excellent antidote to sourness!
• Also accept that things don’t always go the way we want. “This is how life goes! It is also urgent to let go… you still have a lot to live for!”

Slide: 30 positive quotes