Published on
Updated
Reading 4 min.
in collaboration with
Johanna Rozenblum (clinical psychologist)
Can a little lie really save you from relationship problems? In fact, withholding certain details about your life could actually make things worse in the long run. Here are 7 secrets that it is better to avoid hiding from your other half, if you are looking for a relationship that is based on healthy foundations.
Embellish, minimize a situation or simply lie about a detail of your life. This can be tempting when you meet someone new and want to make a good impression. But this small decision at the moment could have big repercussions later, even leading to your relationship failing. The magazine Hack Spirit notably discovered 7 common secrets… to avoid!
Your past relationships
Listing each or every one of your exes, in great detail, is certainly not a good idea at the start of a relationship. But if your new partner asks you about your past, it’s better to be frank and not avoid the subject. Imagine: you hide that your best friend is also your childhood sweetheart to avoid jealousy… But what will your new partner think when she finds out? (because it will definitely happen). It is better to be frank and establish a contract of trust from the start.
How much money you earn
Are you afraid of being perceived negatively or being taken advantage of if you reveal your salary? It’s a possibility. However, you cannot lie about your work to the person you are dating, and with whom you want to build something, because it is an important pillar of your life. If it’s too early, or if you’re not comfortable, honestly announce that you don’t prefer to talk about money, but don’t lie. And if you notice that a person only approaches you knowingly, this will tell you about their intentions. And will save you time by ending this relationship.
Your age
On dating apps or during first dates, it is common to round up your age or lower it for fear of the image given or to attract a particular type of person. However, this is a very bad idea for three reasons: by learning of your lie, your partner risks no longer trusting you, it is often experienced as a manipulation technique, and finally, it suggests that you do not are not comfortable with yourself. Three reasons that can damage your relationship.
Your comings and goings
If you have to lie about your destinations during the day, this indicates several things: either you yourself are embarrassed by what you are doing (you are seeing a psychologist for a disorder for example), or you think that you will not like it to your partner (are you seeing your ex again?). In both cases, the appearance of the lie suggests a dysfunction. In the first case, you are embarrassed, but you should not, because your other half should be supportive in any situation. (If she is not, perhaps you need to rethink your relationship…). In the second case, if you think that your partner would not like your destination… Maybe it is justified, and you are creating a problem based on lies.
The true price of your last purchase
Minimizing the price of your last favorite purchase seems to be anecdotal and means avoid conflict. Never mind. A lie is a lie, and in a serious relationship, conversations about money and budgeting should be able to happen in complete confidence. By lying about the amount spent, you are heading down a slippery slope, where the other person will no longer trust you. The lie is also useless: either it is your money and you do not have to justify yourself (as long as you have no financial commitment to the other), or it is a joint account and lying would amount to a kind of fraud… which he or she will inevitably discover.
Your infidelities in the past
If you have “mistaken” in the past, it may not be helpful to divulge all the details of your infidelities either. But agreeing to reveal your mistakes to your partner can be important. Are you worried that the person may not want to continue this relationship? The risk of a breakup exists, but it will be even greater if you say nothing and your partner otherwise learns of your unspoken infidelities. Talking about your mistakes from the start can also prove that you have matured since then, that you take responsibility for your mistakes, and this leaves the other person with the choice to trust you.
Things you’re not proud of
Do you have a somewhat rocky past? Or experienced difficulties in the past? Of course you have the right to keep things private and not to talk in detail about your whole life from the first meeting. On the other hand, if the relationship is established and the person opposite is curious about your past and asks you questions, it is still better to respond honestly and acknowledge a difficult past than to invent a smoother story instead. If your partner finds out about your lie, they will only see that, while your mistakes also make you human.
Why is lying so harmful in a relationship?
Better to avoid lying when you believe in a new relationship. Because this decision could well have a devastating effect on your relationship, much more than the truth you fear. Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist contacted by Doctissimo, explains to us why lying is a love killer.
“Lying straight away at the start of a relationship shows that the person thinks that their reality will not be acceptable, not sufficiently rewarding, or will be a hindrance for the other person. However, even what we do not assume constitutes us. It is also part of us. Not taking responsibility, improving, fixing will only serve to modify the image we project… But only for a while. “
Something to keep in mind when we are tempted to invent a story more flattering than the truth to describe ourselves.
“Let us keep in mind that honesty is a noble value, that we are not always responsible for things that we find difficult to assume and that being frank is a quality that goes far beyond n “It doesn’t matter what lie, even the one you think can make the situation better.” An essential value for forming a solid couple.
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