Senator Elisabeth Doineau advocates the use of joint custody in the event of parental separation, considered more beneficial for the children. What you need to know to preserve the little ones.
According to INSEE figures in 2020, only 12% of children whose parents are separated live in alternate residence, one week with dad, one week with mom. However, this method of custody in the event of divorce or separation is considered to be the most beneficial to children according to family court judges. To encourage the use of joint custody, the centrist senator from Mayenne Elisabeth Doineau recently tabled a bill, adopted in the Senate, taking into account “the best interests of the child”. Therefore, this new rhythm should be the “preferred option”. “It is in the best interests of the child, in the event of separation of the parents, to rely on each of them in a balanced manner and to benefit equitably from their respective contributions,” recommends the senator. Here are some essential tips before setting up a shared residence:
1 – Living close to the other parent
This is one of the essential conditions for setting up alternate residence. Both parents must live nearby so that the child can keep his bearings. Going to school, seeing his classmates, continuing his sports and extracurricular activities… help him find his balance and flourish. Ideally, parents who live in the same neighborhood or in the same city have an easier time maintaining the child’s daily habits and habits. In addition, the distance to go to mom and dad will be shorter, and therefore less tiring in the long term.
2 – The right day to change house
The change of residence generally takes place on Sunday evening. But after spending a “great weekend” with mom or dad, it’s difficult for the little ones to start the week calmly. Why not try a change of house on Friday evening after school For example ? The separation from the father or mother is then more easily experienced, since the child begins the week with the other parent with a weekend… with a whole program awaiting him.
3 – Maintain good understanding
Difficult to put into practice, especially in the event of a dispute linked to separation. Sometimes, some parents even use their child to reach their ex-partner, but it is essential toact in the interests of the child. He could feel helpless and feel guilty if he feels caught in the crossfire. Especially since he needs both parents, each of whom is complementary to help him grow well. Moreover, be sure to always speak with respect about your ex-spouse in front of your child. Don’t forget that he/she will always remain his/her father/mother! Also be careful to inform them of certain important decisions concerning your child’s education or health. In the event of disagreement, it is up to the judges to decide, always in the interest of the child.
4 – Listen to your child
It is up to the parents of decide together on custody of their child before choosing alternate residence or the rhythm of the guard. However, it is still important tolisten to his wishes and desires, especially when he is a teenager. He probably has his bearings in the family apartment, and will not particularly want to move every week. However, the courts will only take the child’s choice into consideration from a certain age (10-12 years), and depending on the situation. Be careful not to make your child feel guilty by making him feel that he is choosing to live with one parent rather than the other. Moreover, “judges are not required to follow the child’s testimony. This is just one indication among others.“, explains Maître Yves Toledano, lawyer specializing in divorce.
5 – Manage children’s education well
It’s difficult to agree on the daily education of your child when you no longer live under the same roof. Lay the foundations together, so that your little one doesn’t play on your weaknesses by comparing what he is allowed to do at Dad’s house, for example. When it comes to outings, food, homework… Don’t be too authoritarian or too lax, the main thing is to accept and prohibit the same things (in broad terms), so that the child can have benchmarks and limits. .
6 – Establish a childcare schedule to be well organized
It is recommended toestablish your childcare schedule well in advance : to help your child get his bearings, you can color a calendar with him for example (a color for you, a color for his father). Also bring duplicate toys, clothes and toiletries to avoid a “small move” each time you change residence… Another idea: use a “traveler’s” notebook as a medium for exchange. You and your ex-partner can write down all the important things that happened to your child during their stay: flu, heartbreak, success on the math test, etc.
Finally, remember that joint custody can be modified at any time by the parents, by contacting the family court judge. This will decide according to the situations of the ex-spouses, always taking into consideration the interests and well-being of the child.