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Siyana Mincheva (Psychologist, psychotherapist)
Our way of reacting to certain situations is a marker of the education we have received. If you’re constantly apologizing, you’re a perfectionist, or you can’t stand the unexpected, it could be the result of a strict upbringing. Explanations from Siyana Mincheva, psychologist.
Criticizing or devaluing ourselves, constantly apologizing, constantly seeking perfection… Some of our character traits come from our upbringing and when it is too strict, we do certain things, unconsciously, which show it. Here are the ones.
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Knowing how to recognize your mistakes is a good thing, but when it turns into self-flagellation, there is a problem. Indeed, when we are “far too preoccupied with certain situations and instead of providing an objective point of view, we tend to constantly criticize ourselves, this can show that we have received a strict education” believes Siyana Mincheva.
Playing on the fear of others
In strict education, parents often resort to fear to make children obey. “This can continue into adulthood, with an authority which will also be based on the same functioning” explains the expert. “This will be the means of manipulating others.”.
Develop aggression
Children who have received an education that is too strict suffer from repeated punishments. “It causes them to feel depressed and angry, they feel helpless and alone” indicates the specialist. “In adulthood, this can lead to aggression, resulting from a self-defense reflex, a lack of self-esteem and the fear of future suffering”.
Learn to lie
Children raised too strictly believe that power and strength are the means to getting what you want. They also learn to lie, to avoid punishment. “According to Paul Ekman, one of the specialists in the study of emotions, fear of punishment is the primary motivation for lying. adds Siyana Mincheva.
Be in anticipation
“It is the act of projecting oneself anxiously in time and space, constantly” indicates the psychologist, “it is also a typical trait of people who had a harsh upbringing“. Moreover, these people also have difficulty tolerating unforeseen situations and are more in search of perfection.
Good in his body, good in his head!
Apologizing all the time and not asking for help
Having received a strict upbringing pushes the person to apologize, even when they have done nothing. “It’s a sign of guilt.” notes the expert. “These are also people who have difficulty asking for help, who deep down think that they do not deserve to be helped.” she concludes.
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