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Do those around you still define you by your extreme kindness? Being helpful is a quality highly appreciated by others, but it has its limits. Learn the signs that you’re being too nice.
How do you know if you’re being nice or being a little too nice? It’s important to understand the nuance because too much altruism could affect your mental health and cause you to feel anxiety. In the worst cases, this behavior can lead to disorders like depression. Doctissimo reveals 6 signs that show that you are too nice to those around you, as well as advice on learning to say “no”.
1) You never say “no”
Refuse a service? It’s not part of your habits, so much so that you automatically say “yes” when someone asks you something. Never saying “no” is the first sign that you are too nice. For example, you find yourself with a greater workload than others, making expenses outside your budget or even taking leave outside the period you had planned… and all this to suit others!
If you are forced to say “no”, you generally feel a feeling of guilt which leads you to justify your choice to others. You do this because you are afraid of offending the person to whom you have refused a service.
In the long term, this type of behavior can harm your mental health and your development. For your own good, it is therefore essential that you learn to refuse a service, especially when it does not suit you at all. Indeed, saying no is in a way saying yes to yourself.
2) You are not demanding what you are owed
The second sign that you are too nice is your difficulty in demanding what is yours. A jacket that you lent to a friend, money that you advanced to another… you don’t dare ask them to give it back to you. You are also capable of waiting a very long time for your belongings to be returned to you, justifying this with your usual phrase “there’s no hurry”, even if it means never seeing them again.
3) You don’t contradict anyone
When someone’s opinion is different from yours, you would rather keep quiet and acquiesce than contradict them. In reality, you adopt this behavior in order to avoid possible tensions or for fear of offending someone.
In an article from Mail Online, Dr.Fraga gives an example: “Years ago, I worked with a patient who defended her father’s political views, even though she couldn’t stand them“. In this case, by refusing to contradict his father, the person goes against his personal opinions and therefore his identity.
You should not be afraid to assert your opinion, especially if it is said with respect for others.
4) You value the needs of others more than your own
According to you, others come first, and even if this means that you deprive yourself for them… Indeed, another sign that shows that you are too kind is that you put your own needs aside to benefit others. others. You feel that they are not as important as theirs.
You often have the false belief that if you refuse a service you will be abandoned. You then sacrifice your relaxation time to help those around you.
In reality, by being constantly devoted to others, they risk getting used to it and always asking you for more. It is therefore important that you set your limits so that this does not affect your mental health. In Madame Figaro, Dr Stéphane Clerget recalls that: “Saying no to someone who asks too much of us is not making them suffer, it is ensuring that we do not suffer ourselves.“. Although you can contribute to their well-being, you cannot be responsible for the needs of others because that is not your role. You must remember that it is normal to live for yourself, and therefore to make yourself Also remember that doing them less favors does not mean meanness on your part, on the contrary it will help them to manage on their own.
5) You apologize for things that are not your fault
Another sign that you are too nice is that you hate being in conflict with someone. You apologize all the time, even when the situation isn’t your fault. This behavior is linked to the fact that you do not want to make the person in front of you angry. This is often the case when you ask your boss for something at work. Most people who are “too nice” don’t even realize that they are constantly apologizing, they do it out of reflex. Likewise, they tend to forgive everything very easily, and forget people’s mistakes by finding excuses for them. Conversely, when they feel like they have made a mistake, they do everything they can to make it up to them.
Good in his body, good in his head!
6) You often think you are the cause of other people’s bad moods
When someone you know is in a bad mood or disappointed, you immediately think it’s your fault. People judged as “too nice” always have the impression that the negative state of others is linked to them personally. They therefore try to be forgiven by all means, even if in return they suffer remarks. To make up for it, they do not hesitate to make compromises. This feeling is linked to the fact that people who are too nice rely a lot on the quality of their relationships with others to nourish their self-esteem.
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