5 things to do to develop the father-daughter relationship according to an expert

in collaboration with

Mathilde Bouychou (clinical psychologist)

In a couple of parents, each plays a fundamental role in the healthy development of children. But it is clear that some dads sometimes withdraw when it comes to spending time with their daughter or listening to their problems, out of modesty or fear of not having the right answer. But according to an American expert, 5 changes in the father-daughter relationship could help these children be more confident in themselves.

Improve the father-daughter bond in 5 steps

Kimberly Wolf is a Harvard-educated school counselor and parenting coach. According to her, strong father-daughter bonds would have a positive impact on academic success, mental health, or even on the daughter’s future romantic relationships. She therefore encourages dads to be present in all facets of their daughter’s life, without exception, using 5 ideas:

• Don’t be intimidated by uncomfortable topics. Even if you are uncomfortable with certain subjects (girlfriends, periods, boys, etc.). The coach believes that it is important to listen, so that your daughter feels loved, seen and supported;
• Be physically present. This could be simply by reading a book next to her, bringing her a snack, or making yourself physically available to chat;
• Create moments of connection. These moments might be watching a movie together, eating lunch together, or finding a common activity;
• Take advantage of teachable moments. This means for the expert that it remains important to also share your opinions and your values ​​when the opportunity lends itself to it, to transmit them;
• Repeat the habits you would like to see in your daughter. The expert encourages fathers to set a good example. “The more parents repeat their values ​​and make their positions known, the more likely their children are to adopt these beliefs as adults. Even if they seem to reject them as adolescents,” explains the expert.

A child’s confidence is not a question of gender but of presence

To find out the impact of this advice given in the USA, we contacted Mathilde Bouychou, clinical psychologist, author of Desire for a child, (Solar September 2022) and podcast Parenthood(s), education is understanding. She does not share Kimberly Wolf’s gendered vision:

“This advice can be good but does not concern the father in my opinion, but parents in general. When you have two parents, regardless of their gender when you have parents-in-law, the important thing is that each adult has an important place and invests in this bond with the child. Trust develops with both fathers and mothers. It’s not gender that matters, but the fact that education is shared.”

So listening to what our children have to say, being physically present or even organizing moments of connection is important whether we are a father or mother so that the child forms bonds of trust. “It is in these moments of complicity that deeper discussions finally take place, not when a father enters the room to ask head-on “So how are things going for you?”call our expert.

Dads on the right track

Mathilde Bouychou also sees two other nuances to be brought to the advice given: being uncomfortable on certain feminine subjects, for example, is for her completely ok, and normal, “but in this case, it is better to say it openly so that the child goes to his other parent”.

Finally, sharing beliefs and values ​​is a good thing… as long as you also listen to your child’s needs and tastes. “I’m not sure the goal of parenting is for children to have the same beliefs as us. It’s more about helping the child to think for themselves and therefore supporting them to do so.”

However, the psychologist is not worried: “New dads who get up at night, console their children, and take time to organize a father-daughter or son moment, are now numerous, and on the right track” concludes our expert.

Slide: Selection of podcasts for young dads