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All couple relationships experience turbulence. But some signs are stronger than others and show that inevitably, the couple is really on the decline. What are they? Here is the list.
All romantic relationships have ups and downs. But sometimes, some people reach a point of no return and there are signs that prove it. Which ones? Here they are, according to several couples therapists, interviewed by the HuffPost UK.
You stopped arguing
This may seem counterintuitive, as we spontaneously associate a couple’s argument with the failure of the relationship. However, if a couple no longer argues, it means “that he no longer wants to solve his problems and that the partners are therefore emotionally disengaged” explains Abigail Makepeace, a marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles.
“The absence of conflict could suggest that one or both partners no longer view the relationship as worth saving.” she adds. “If a partner stops complaining without any resolution to the underlying issues, it could also be a sign that they have given up on the relationship and are preparing to leave.”.
According to clinical psychologist David Narang, this often happens to women who feel alone in their marriages. “At first, women express sadness and anger when they feel deprived of any emotional connection with their husband. This generates conflicts and attracts the husband’s attention. But when wives stop sharing their frustrations, husbands are often relieved. They think that everything is fine in their marriage‚ but this assumption is a mistake that will have tragic consequences.”.
You live separate lives
If a certain independence in marriage is something normal, the feeling of living a life separated from that of your other half is, on the other hand, problematic. “In struggling couples, the tendency to spend more time apart may not reflect a healthy balance but rather a preference for this lifestyle. adds Abigail Makepeace. “This increasing separation often indicates a deeper disconnect and less desire to share experiences together.”
You are not transparent with each other
Marni Feuerman, a marriage and family therapist in Florida, makes a distinction between privacy and secrecy in a relationship. “Privacy is about personal boundaries, while secrecy is about intentionally hiding something.” If partners intentionally keep secrets from each other, it may signal that the marriage is trending toward divorce. “A lack of trust might be a more obvious reason, but there could be other reasons as well.”
You rarely talk about the future
When a couple no longer talks about the future, it can show “a lack of desire to continue their life together“, adds the expert. “This lack of planning for the future often stems from a sense of complacency, where partners become too comfortable with the present and lose motivation to improve or evolve their relationship.”. Another sign that the couple is preparing, consciously or not, to separate.
You confide more in others than in your other half
Finally, the last sign put forward by experts is confiding more in others (a parent, a friend, a loved one), rather than in your partner. “The intimate bond is not built with your partner if you do not regularly bring your inner world to them, including your dreams, your hopes, your fears, etc.“, indicates the therapist.
“If someone else knows more about you than your spouse, it’s a bad sign for your marriage“. Becky Whetstone, family therapist, agrees with this finding.”Too often, unhappy partners don’t tell their spouse how unhappy they are until it’s almost too late.” It’s not for nothing that communication is called the “glue” of the couple…
Slide: 10 points to check before separating from your partner