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in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
Whether we are prepared for it or not, there comes an age when teenagers fall in love and consider proposing (or accepting) dates. An important step but also sometimes stressful. Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, reveals 5 topics to discuss with the person who is going “on a date” so that it goes as well as possible.
Your baby has grown up. The proof? You suspect that he is getting closer to girls or boys around him, pick up on signs of a “crush”. The time for the first dates is probably not far away! This is the right time to bring up several subjects, in his interest (especially since he may not warn you). What should we talk about with our teenager? We asked the question to a psychologist who is a member of our committee, Amélie Boukhobza.
Taboo-free information on health
This may not be the discussion to have right before leaving for your date (“but mom, it’s embarrassing!”) but bringing up at some point the risks of physical closeness, the risks of pregnancy and STIs is important.
“It is our duty to inform adolescents about the risks in a subtle and respectful way,” supports our expert. “Even though it may seem heavy, it is crucial for their health.” There’s no need to do it head-on: you can also use a current topic, discuss a film, etc. to talk about sexuality.
Emphasize the importance of respect for each person and consent
Consent is not a dirty word. In fact, it is essential in any healthy relationship today. So it is not too much to broach this subject with him.They must understand that respecting others and their limits is fundamental, whether for a girl or a boy.”
Respect, on the other hand, is expressed through simple attentions: showing kindness, listening, taking into account the well-being of the other person…
Encourage them to be themselves
From the beginning of the dates, it is important to remind the teen that he can and should remain himself in the relationship, if he wants to be happy.The idea is to convey that there is no point in conforming to what they think the other person wants. It is about being honest and open from the beginning to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings later on.”
For example, it means telling your teenager to pay attention to his own feelings and intuitions. And if he feels that something doesn’t suit him, he shouldn’t hesitate to say so or to walk away.
Remind them that rushing is no good.
Every relationship evolves at its own pace, and it’s important not to feel pressured to move faster than you’re ready to; there’s no set timeline.”Never doing something you don’t really want to do, whether you’re a girl or a boy, is respecting yourself, and that’s where it starts.”
Warn them that the unexpected is part of the game
Finally, it may also be wise to make a small point – almost philosophical – entering the stage of dating, it is also to realize that the meeting does not always go as planned, and that as such, it is normal to be nervous or awkward.The most important thing is to live the experience and learn, that is also the message that parents must convey.”
Finally, of course, if they feel nervous, you can also reassure them by telling them that they can always come and talk to us about their experiences and ask questions without fear.All this without being too intrusive in privacy and feelings!” adds our shrink. This will probably be the most difficult part.
Slideshow: 10 Things Not to Say to Your Teenager