Published on
Updated
Reading 2 min.
Doing more household chores than your partner on a daily basis makes you tense and even impacts your relationship? It’s probably time to discuss it and share chores better. In this area, there are a few concepts you need to know so that you are heard!
We are not all equal when it comes to the notion of cleanliness and the household chores that fall to us. According to a Ifop Consolab survey published in 2022, 57% of women say they “do more tasks than their partner”, compared to only 16% of men. A mental load which can be a source of marital problems: in this same survey, 16% of the women questioned even declared that “the unequal distribution of household tasks was a reason for marital breakdown”. But it is also possible to find what you need and to better share this burden on a daily basis, with a few tips.
Open the dialogue… In a calm moment
Household chores are often a source of conflict when they are experienced as a constraint by those who carry them out. Result: we complain, we get annoyed, we accuse the other when we find ourselves frustrated. Which is not the best time to involve him.
On the contrary, to make yourself heard better, find a calm, relaxed moment and explain how this difference weighs on you and what the expected solution is.
List all the tasks together
It may be important to agree above all on the number of tasks to be carried out in your home (some of which are out of your head!). Cooking, cleaning, ironing, bathrooms, trash cans… Have you listed everything? To make everything go as smoothly as possible, start by choosing the tasks that you each prefer. For the rest, the most boring part, you might as well use a schedule to take turns, leaving it visible (on the fridge?) to avoid calling the other person to order. This way everything is transparent.
Set up a simple routine
A bit like the tasks asked of children, cleaning will be simpler if it follows a well-oiled routine. So, this will not solve the majority of tasks, but if you decide in the morning to wipe the tables, in the sink, tidy the living room and take out the trash, you will have completed part of the daily work. without even suffering from it, and you will find a more pleasant house in the evening. A good way to motivate everyone to continue.
Stay kind despite everything!
For someone used to cleaning, it can be difficult to see someone else forget a simple task, leave a towel lying around, not take out the trash as agreed… But don’t forget, frustration will remain the enemy of cooperation: do not succumb to annoyance but remain polite: “Could you take care of the trash, please.” remains more engaging than a reproach thrown across the kitchen.
Let go of how to do things
It’s a vicious circle: you’re tired of doing more, but you take control again because you feel that the other person is managing less well than you. Our advice? Accept that your partner does things differently. Of course, it may not be as tidy as after your visit, but it is a task that is shared, time and understanding are gained. That is what matters.
Recognize the work done!
Finally, for both, it remains essential to feel useful to appreciate the tasks done. It is not a question of applauding the other because he rinsed the sink or watered the flowers, but a “dinner was very good”, “thank you for ensuring the children were bathed” is always a good way of highlighting the other. And to invite him to continue this teamwork!
Slide: Sharing household chores: 10 tips to motivate the whole family