Acıbadem Maslak Hospital Specialist Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Yılmaz said, “When families have mobilized all their means, they may sometimes perceive the bad grades they receive as unfair to them. . However, the academic success of the child is the result of many variables; Many other factors such as family environment, relationship with parents, social relations and school environment can be effective, as well as the child’s cognitive and learning abilities. For this reason, comparisons should not be made between children, each child should be evaluated according to their own potential and possibilities.
4/4 GRADE RECOMMENDATIONS FOR PARENTS!
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Yılmaz stated that a successful report card should be approached correctly as well as a weak report card, and told parents about 4 tricks of the right approach, and made important warnings and suggestions.
AVOID POINTED AND HARMFUL TERMS!
Grades do not give negative information about the child’s intelligence, skills or personality. He only points to his weaker courses. For this reason, avoid generalizing and sharp expressions about the weak in the report card. Definitely stay away from expressions that will hurt the child’s personality, reduce their self-confidence and self-esteem, such as ‘You can’t be a man’, ‘Lazy’. Such treatment does not motivate the child, on the contrary, it makes him feel worthless and incompetent, emotionally distant from his family. Again, emotional, humiliating language and physical punishments that may affect the child deeply, such as ‘You made us very sad’, ‘You have made our efforts futile’, also lead the child to a dead end.
SHARE A ROAD MAP TOGETHER BY QUESTING YOURSELF
Also review your own attitudes towards the past process. I wonder if the child was interfered with too much, did the child feel alone, or was the child unwittingly prevented from doing something by being very protective? Therefore, try to understand the message of the report card by thinking, “I wonder what the child wants to tell us with this report card”. Tell your child, “I think it’s been a tough year. The results were not what you wanted. In fact, we know you can do better. But what happened? Give a solution-generating speech. This will motivate the child and prevent him from feeling helpless.
GIVE A “TOGETHER WE WILL FIX IT” MESSAGE INSTEAD OF “JOB IS OVER”
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Yılmaz said, ‘Now we will enter a new year, let’s make good use of the summer, you take a rest, clear your head, play your games, but we will support you next year; You do your best, we know you would like to bring a good report card. That’s what happened this year, but you can fix it next year. Make the child feel that they have the option of making up and repairing with approaches such as ‘You will do your best next year’.
Motivate
It’s also not right to ignore the bad report card. Because it leads to the feeling of ‘not caring’ in the child. However, empowering it through its positive aspects gives strength to the child. That’s why he said, ‘Look, you had such good grades in your report last year, it means you have the power to achieve good grades in you, this time it may not have happened, but this power is within you and you can use this power again to get good grades, and we will support you in this direction. ‘, make speeches that empower the child.
DO NOT PRIZE YOUR CHILD
It is also one of the biggest mistakes to be made to praise your child who is successful and receives a certificate of appreciation more than necessary. Specialist Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Yılmaz said, “Children should not be overwhelmed with great rewards. While a report card gift appropriate for the age of the child is very encouraging for the child, very large rewards can make the child feel as if he has received those grades for the parents, making it difficult for the child to own the sense of responsibility for the lesson. On the other hand, Neil Serem Yılmaz, who states that if a promise has been given to the child as a report card gift before, it must be fulfilled, says: “Promises that are made and not kept/not kept without a good explanation can cause disappointment in the child and a feeling of insecurity about the promises made by the parents.”
CARE ABOUT SUCCESS, AVOID EXCELLENCE
Don’t trivialize your child’s effort and success by ignoring it. Be sure to appreciate it, give a small reward to support his emotional development. Be sure to avoid the perfectionist approach. Specialist Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Yılmaz said, “It is extremely important to stay away from a perfectionist attitude and avoid extreme discourses. “All grades are 100, why this grade is 95,” he warns.
DO NOT AFFECT SUPERIOR LABEL
It is necessary not to have too high expectations from the child by affixing labels such as ‘gifted’ to the child. Because this situation can create an element of pressure for children. Difficulties such as performance anxiety or exam anxiety may develop related to losing the existing success. Statements such as ‘My child is very successful, he will win this department, this university’ cause children to experience intense stress by crushing them under this burden. It does not help to increase the success of the course, but on the contrary, it can cause them to regress.
DO NOT COMPARE YOUR CHILDREN
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Yılmaz said, “A sibling with a good report card or even a certificate of appreciation should not be shown as an example for a brother with a bad report card. This kind of comparison does more harm than good. While it can cause intense rivalry and jealousy among the children, it can disrupt the relations between siblings, while it can cause a feeling of loneliness by causing the feeling that the parents do not love him for this reason.