Published on
updated on
Reading 3 min.
Do you sometimes feel ashamed of your past? While this feeling can happen, it doesn’t have to be. To help you, a psychologist shares her advice on how to make peace with your past!
For many people, the past has a significant impact on their present, particularly through their daily actions. This can then influence what they think, what they feel or even what they are. However, even if past experiences build us and allow us to learn, they should not make us ashamed or feel guilty.
In reality, it is completely normal to not be in agreement now with what you did 10 years ago! Judging your past does nothing to help you move forward. On the contrary, psychologists encourage you to make peace with yourself. Here are some steps shared by a psychologist in Psychology Todayto help you be more in tune with your past!
Be empathetic
Making peace with yourself starts with developing empathy. In other words, it means that you must be able to put yourself in the shoes of your younger self, in order to understand and accept your past actions. If you happen to feel ashamed or feel hatred or guilt about your past choices, it is necessary to remember that every choice or reaction is caused by a reason. Understanding it allows you to accept your mistakes and failures. You may not have always had a choice and may have been a victim of certain external elements that you could not control at the time (culture, family, friends, society…). Remember that at that time you were less experienced, younger and that you tried to do what was best or the “less worse” in relation to your situation. Thus, understanding your previous situation and adopting an empathetic view of it will allow you to move forward better.
Accept your humanity
Just as when you learn to be empathetic with yourself, it is important to remember that you are human and that mistakes and flaws are part of each of us (even if we do not see them in everyone!). Maybe you have already been ashamed of yourself, to the point of not feeling worthy of love or respect. However, we must not repress these flaws that make us unique and human. When you recognize that you sometimes make mistakes, do not act in the right way, you actually accept that you are human. So there is nothing more normal!
Forgive yourself and accept!
Once you have accepted your mistakes (by following the first two steps), it is time to forgive yourself. You were certainly not a malicious person, just very vulnerable and who did not know the right way to act. So accept this past once and for all and move on. The acceptance and forgiveness phase involves assuming full responsibility for your past behavior. In this way, you cultivate the strength to move forward.
Be the best version of yourself
Beyond accepting your past, the most important thing is to learn from it and use it positively in the future. This is the ultimate step! Ask yourself who you want to be, and what values fit you. Thinking and meditating on these kinds of things will help you build a better version of yourself and better understand your future. Thus, instead of being ashamed of your past, you will use it to better build your future! From these reflections, identifying yourself will become easier and you will naturally progress towards the best version of yourself!