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Marie Lanen
Head of parenting sections (baby, pregnancy, family), psychology and beauty
A Chinese proverb says “The first time is a mistake, the second time is on purpose”. Learning from your mistakes thus appears essential to improve and avoid falling into unconstructive self-criticism. A neuropsychologist reveals 3 tips for truly learning from your mistakes.
We have all experienced this situation (yelling at our children, making a mistake in a professional relationship or even forgetting an important date) where we did not act as we should have. This is followed by severe self-criticism and negative thoughts that we (wrongly) believe will make us better in the future. Judy Ho, neuropsychologist and professor at Pepperdine University (interviewed in the columns of CNBC) assures that this pattern of thoughts can undermine our goals, instead of motivating us to achieve them. Discover his valuable advice to really learn from your mistakes.
“The heart of mental strength is actually self-compassion”
In a podcast called “Unlocking Us”, the researcher in humanities and social sciences at the University of Houston, Brené Brown assures: “the core of mental strength is actually self-compassion“. So, to curb some of your most negative thoughts it would be counterproductive to flagellate yourself. Moreover, science confirms the facts. In a study from the Center for Research and Education on Compassion and Altruism from Stanford University, when you feel like you’re not giving your best, self-criticism makes you more emotional and unable to learn from your mistakes.
“Although the term “self-compassion” may sound like self-compassion or weakness, it is actually the secret to resilience, strength in the face of failure, the ability to learn from your mistakes and bounce back with more enthusiasm” we can read in these scientific works.
Good in his body, good in his head!
3 tips to develop self-compassion and learn better from your mistakes
To bounce back better after a misstep (personal or professional) Judy Ho, neuropsychologist, gives us 3 tips to put into practice today:
- Make a list of your negative thoughts : after having written the evidence of your fault and your negative thoughts in a column, focus on writing the evidence that contradicts them. Typically, these will be more significant than your error itself. Another way to self-sabotage when the situation doesn’t deserve it.
- Highlight the positive aspects of failure : your professional file was not as well presented as you hoped? Yes, but you turned it in on time and your boss was happy. Taking a step back and “zooming out” on the situation allows you to put it into perspective and realize that there is also positive in what seems like a failure.
- Admit that your feelings may just be thoughts : you feel like you’re worthless, take 5 minutes to tell yourself that this feeling is just a thought and does not necessarily reflect reality. This tip also allows us to take a step back from our overwhelming negative emotions.
Last tip, if sometimes our error seems very important to us, ask yourself this simple question: “Will I remember this in 3 months?” ; if the answer is no, the error is less serious than it seems. Take a deep breath and continue on your way!
Slide: 25 quotes to regain self-confidence