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Siyana Mincheva (Psychologist, psychotherapist)
You feel like your partner is hiding things from you and you don’t understand how he can have secrets from you, while you share his life. What are the reasons that can explain this? Here are the answers from Siyana Mincheva, psychologist.
In a relationship, it is often believed that there should be no secrets from each other. However, many people hide certain things from their other half and put forward different arguments for doing so.
Keeping secrets: the risk is breaking trust in the couple
For our expert, this topic explores “key points in a relationship: loyalty, respect, trust, confidentiality, understanding, sincerity… Everything therefore depends on the way we have built ourselves mentally and our value system”. But usually, after revealing a secret, trust is broken. So what are the reasons given for keeping secrets in a relationship?
Your partner is trying to protect himself
By hiding something, your spouse is “may be uncomfortable talking about it with you and prefer not to say anything to avoid conflict” explains our expert.It may also be related to the fact that it is a subject related to his or her privacy, so he or she will prefer not to say anything.” Or maybe he or she is trying to protect you.”Some people are not proud of their past and develop a fear of judgment because of this. In this case, he or she will be afraid that you will find out and feel ashamed about it” says Siyana Mincheva.
Your partner is trying to protect you
Your partner might convince himself that telling you a secret would hurt you. “This reason is also linked to the need to protect yourself, because there is a risk that by revealing his secret to you he will lose you.” adds the psychologist. Your other half may also want to avoid making you angry or even to avoid disappointment.
Your other half is trying to protect your relationship
Finally, secrets are sometimes kept in an attempt to protect the relationship itself. Your partner may feel that the best way to continue the relationship is to keep their secrets from you. To avoid conflict and the end of the relationship, some people therefore avoid telling their significant other everything.He or she may be afraid that you will leave him or her if he or she reveals a secret. These are different fears that are expressed here: fear of judgment, fear of criticism, fear that the relationship will fail, and therefore fear of loneliness too.” concludes Siyana Mincheva.
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