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As a couple, you should (ideally) know how to maintain a balance between natural kindness and being too accommodating… Find out why you shouldn’t “be too nice” with your other half.
As a couple, there is a delicate balance between being nice and becoming too accommodating. Indeed, when kindness comes at the expense of your own well-being, you have to know how to put an end to it. Here are three reasons why, in an article published on Psychology Today.
The mirage of self-sacrifice
Self-sacrifice often resonates as a noble cause, especially in a relationship. It refers to prioritizing your partner’s needs over your own, and suggests that this behavior is an expression of love, to maintain harmony in the relationship.
If these sacrifices may seem virtuous at first, they quickly take another turn. Because all relationships require compromise and if it’s always the same person who “takes it upon themselves”, this will inevitably lead to emotional exhaustion. A feeling that ultimately increases the desire to end the relationship.
Maintain façade compliance
To avoid conflict, some people opt to deny their feelings or opinions, as long as it maintains some form of peace in the relationship. This can be expressed by not giving your opinion or by remaining silent during a disagreement.
In reality, the harmony of the couple is only a facade in this type of relationship. And it comes with a significant emotional cost. Over time, things will not get better as emotional distance increases as your partner ignores your true thoughts and feelings, leaving you misunderstood or even invisible. A situation that promotes the feeling of isolation.
The trap of tolerance
Finally, the last trap you can fall into by being too nice in your relationship is that of tolerated lack of respect. Indeed, tolerating disrespectful or hurtful behavior under the guise of being nice may seem like an act of patience, but it often backfires.
You might excuse your partner’s behavior, telling yourself that if you don’t react, you will avoid conflict or that your kindness will inspire change. But in reality, you maintain the idea that these behaviors have no consequences for you, which can lead the other person to persist in this behavior, or even make it worse.
If you recognize yourself in the examples cited above, and you want to change things, here are some tips to put in place now:
- Practice compassionate honestyand share your true feelings while maintaining your kindness. This allows you to be both authentic and respectful;
- Learn to say no. It is important to know how to decline requests that do not suit you, recognizing that refusing does not diminish your love or care for this person, but allows you to preserve your energy and your boundaries;
- Schedule moments of reflection. During these downtimes, take time to reflect on whether your needs are being met or whether you are compromising too much;
- Use collaborative conflict resolution. This technique allows you to actively work on resolving conflicts with your partner, instead of avoiding them. This strengthens cohesion within your relationship, while addressing the difficulties you face, instead of bypassing them.
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