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In a sibling group, it is not uncommon for a child to be considered according to their position: eldest, youngest or youngest. The latter often have a somewhat special status, fueled by their parents. Here are three sentences that we must stop saying to them, according to an American psychologist.
The youngest children in families often have a somewhat special status. Considered as babies or overprotected, parents do not always realize that they have grown up. An American clinical psychologist, Mary Ann Little, reminds us of three sentences that we must stop saying to them.
“You are a baby”
According to Mary Ann Little, “Theory and research show that parents treat their children differently depending on whether they are first-born, middle-born, or last-born, and these parental responses have both good and bad consequences.”.
So she recommends being in the middle ground and stopping telling your youngest that he’s a baby. “Oh, but you’re the baby,” “He’s the baby of the family,” “My baby’s going off to college!”
All of these phrases, used consistently, anchor your child’s status as the baby of the family. This means that they don’t have the same responsibilities or expectations as older children. “Being seen as lacking in skills is not good for children. We don’t want them to see themselves as defective, deficient or dependent.” the psychologist reminds us. Instead, the expert recommends saying, “You’re my baby, but you’re not a baby.”
“It doesn’t matter, I’ll do it myself”
Parents, with their youngest child, are often more permissive. The problem is that they may not be firm and disciplined enough in their child’s education. For example, a mother may say, “Let your brother do that for you” or even “Oh, too bad. You’ll get mad if I ask you to make your bed.”.
Or according to Mary Ann Little, “Children must be made to meet demands and experience frustrationwhich fuels mastery”. An essential step for healthy development. Instead of avoiding certain tasks for your little one, it is better to tell him for example: “I asked you to take out the trash because I know you can do it.” or even “You may be upset that I asked you to make your bed, but you still have to make your bed.”
“It’s not a big deal”
Finally, with the youngest children, parents are sometimes less surprised by their prowess and achievements, because they have already experienced this with their other children. Be careful, however, when saying these words, tinged with indifference. For example, saying “Of course you can swim. Your brothers and sisters all did too.”
In addition to not recognizing their learning, this type of phrase can fuel sibling rivalry. Instead, the psychologist recommends saying “Okay, you don’t want to jump in the water yet, you can learn to swim when you’re ready.”
Slide: 10 misconceptions about education