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The summer holidays are often the ideal time to enjoy family, and to go on vacation “at” or “with” the grandparents. But having several generations live together for a few days is not always easy. Here are 3 adjustments to make to limit stress and fully enjoy this family moment, according to a child psychiatrist.
Maintaining the bond between grandparents and grandchildren is important. But the distance, the schedules of each household, can quickly make these meetings complex and/or infrequent and even unequal depending on the family. So, the summer period is often an opportunity to get together, or to see these grandparents who live further away than the others. However, getting together also means sharing several rules or ways of doing things.
Sharing rules is not always easy
So, whether in a rental, at your home or at theirs, it is likely that you will find yourself confronted with different visions of education, or rules of life: those who do not wish to see children with their screen (while other grandparents tolerate it), those who need a lie-in or, on the contrary, don’t like children being “late risers”, as well as a gap in the activities that children and teenagers like, and those that grandparents would like to do. But finding an “agreement” in this meeting is nevertheless necessary: as you might think, grandparents (even those who sometimes have a little old-fashioned side) bring rich resources to their grandchildren: love, new interactions, life experience… which will help the child grow. So it helps to figure out how to tune in.
3 tips from a child psychiatrist
In a recent article for Psychology TodayKyle Pruett, a clinical professor of child psychiatry at Yale, shared his three tips for parents to make intergenerational encounters as smooth as possible and get the most out of this important moment.
- Teach your children to respect each other’s rules. Even if you do not completely adhere to all the rules of the grandparents present (especially regarding order or cleanliness), it is not too much to ask your children to respect them. Ask them to manage their affairs at a minimum and help their grandparents however they can. According to the child psychiatrist, 3-year-old children can already be perfectly aware that the rules can differ from one place to another.
- Plan multiple sleeping spaceswith different schedules. To respect everyone, and as far as possible, designate one part of the house for those who stay up late and another for those who go to bed early or get up early. Of course, respecting everyone’s schedules and needs (no noisy machines at dawn, etc.)
- Join us for the good times. Finally, if the shared living space is too conflictual, and too complicated to manage (and therefore stressful!) and you dread this moment, suggest finding accommodation nearby, and only meeting when household chores are done, such as waking the children up, getting them ready, having time with them… Because what matters is to preserve everyone’s enthusiasm for getting together, more than worrying about their rules.
Slide: 8 essential tips for grandparents