Do you have a gift for connecting with people? Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and understand emotions – yours and those of others. Research has shown that it is a rare and valuable asset. Emotional intelligence can help you build and strengthen relationships, defuse conflict, and improve overall job satisfaction. Psychology experts Kathy and Ross Petras claim that if you use these 13 phrases every day without even thinking about them, you have higher emotional intelligence than most people:
“Could you tell me more about that?”
People who lack self-awareness are only interested in their own thoughts and opinions. But people with emotional intelligence are interested in the feelings and experiences of others.
Communicate in a way that encourages people to talk about their feelings and experiences, and use their responses as a learning opportunity.
“I hear you.”
By telling someone you understand, you create the perfect cooperative environment for building a team.
Other similar phrases like “I see what you mean” and “I understand what you’re trying to say” signal that you’re really listening and open the lines of communication.
“I understand what you’re saying, but…”
This phrase highlights another important aspect of emotional intelligence: the ability to act diplomatically when dealing with difficult people and situations.
If you disagree with someone, express it in a tactful and non-confrontational way. The goal is to facilitate the arrival of a mutually acceptable solution.
“How do you feel about that?”
To make people feel recognized and respected, pay attention and take the time to understand them and put yourself in their shoes in a meaningful way as you listen to them.
“I’m not sure what’s wrong. Could you explain the problem?”
With this sentence, you know that someone has a problem, and instead of reacting negatively, you invite them to share their thoughts.
Similar alternatives: “Can you clarify that for me?” or “What I hear from you is that [X]. Is it correct ?”
“What do you mean ?”
When you ask someone for clarification, you are asking them to say something in a different way or provide more information to better understand it. It differs from asking a person to repeat something.
“Great job!”
Showing appreciation goes a long way. This recognizes the efforts and achievements of others.
When you compliment someone, you immediately create a positive mood. Saying “I like you” makes others like you even more.
“You both have good points. Let’s see how we can work together.”
This sentence can help you work diplomatically on difficult points by acknowledging different points of view.
Once you’ve encouraged everyone to voice their concerns, you can more easily resolve a potential problem. Studies show that the ability to resolve conflict is a hallmark of emotional intelligence.
“I would like your opinion on this.”
This phrase, and similar ones like “Can I get some advice from you?” or “Do you mind if I ask your opinion?”, are gold.
You allow someone else to feel proud of themselves, which makes them think very positively of you.
“This situation makes me worried [ou perplexe ou contrarié].”
When there is a problem, people with emotional intelligence don’t focus on the person who created it, but on the bigger picture.
This way you don’t blame someone or put them on the defensive. Instead, you explain how you feel about what happened, which helps you avoid coming across as passive-aggressive or antagonistic.
“I feel that about…”
When you have emotional intelligence, you connect to your emotions as they happen.
This form of self-awareness allows you to better share your own emotions and impressions with others, which brings them closer to you and encourages them to do the same.
“I’m sorry.”
Having a healthy dose of humility is common among people with high emotional intelligence. Don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry.” When you make a mistake, acknowledge it and sincerely apologize to the person who deserves it.
“THANKS !”
Remember those “magic words” you learned as a kid. “Please”, “thank you” and “you are welcome” are always appreciated.
Common courtesy is unfortunately not that common these days, according to studies. Being polite isn’t just a mark of high emotional intelligence, it’s also a way of showing respect to others, which makes them regard you more highly.
Kathy and Ross Petras are the sibling co-authors of “Awkword Moments: A Lively Guide to the 100 Terms Smart People Should Know”, “You’re Saying It Wrong” and “That Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means : The 150 Most Commonly Misused Words and Their Tangled Histories”. They have also been featured in outlets such as The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, The Washington Post, and Harvard Business Review.