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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Couple, family, friends… The wound of abandonment considerably alters daily relationships. Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, explains to us how to spot the key signs of this insecurity.
Constantly doubting your partner’s love for you, fearing that your children will leave home too quickly… Be careful, these feelings, although understandable, can be indicative of abandonment syndrome. Explanations.
What is fear of abandonment?
Fear of abandonment, also called abandonment syndrome or abandonment neurosis, results in a strong feeling of insecurity caused by the fear of being abandoned or rejected.
It often develops in childhood, following divorce, bereavement, moving or the loss of a friendship. Abandonment can then be experienced or only imagined.
“The fear of abandonment is a deep worry that many can experience, which often comes from childhood experiences, and which can affect relationships and quality of life,” explains Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist.
On a daily basis, the wound of abandonment alters social bonds: it results in particular in the obsession with wanting to please everyone. But it also affects self-confidence: the injured person will tend to constantly devalue themselves and repress their own needs.
Result ? Daily friendly, romantic and social relationships are altered since abandoned people ask too much, as if they were waiting for their wounds to be repaired. However, this emotional dependence quickly proves unbearable for those around them who no longer know what to do to reassure the person.
Good in his body, good in his head!
What are the signs of fear of abandonment?
If abandonment syndrome can be difficult to detect, Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, teaches us how to decode the key signs that reflect this fear.
- Having a completely disproportionate reaction to situations perceived as rejection or abandonment, even in minimal circumstances;
- Attach yourself very quickly, for fear that the other will move away;
- Always seek reassurance from others about their love, their friendship;
- Feeling very anxious when alone;
- Excessive jealousy, constant control of others and the interpretation of the slightest of their interactions as threats;
- Respond to the demands and supposed expectations of others out of fear that they will leave us;
- Emotional dependence;
- Accepting abusive or violent behavior, for fear that confrontations or limits will lead to abandonment;
- Sabotage your relationships. This behavior is paradoxical but common, and precipitates escape from others and/or the end of the relationship, for fear that abandonment is inevitable;
- Do not trust and be suspicious of the intentions of the other;
- Feeling like as soon as you get together with someone, they’re going to save you from all your problems.
“Obviously, just one of these signs is not enough. It’s the combination of several of them that can be revealing.” concludes the expert.