11 Little Things Kids Notice More Than Parents Think

Providing your child with a good education, a balanced diet and healthy activities is important for them to grow well. But other details of his daily life give him ideas that you might not suspect. Here are 11 that your child perceives much more than you think in your behavior.

Your inconsistencies with certain rules

Children notice pretty quickly when parents say one thing and do another. They also see when a rule is not applied fairly. However, inconsistency is a source of confusion, because it prevents children from feeling secure and having complete trust in their parents.

According to a study conducted by Duke University, preschoolers already know how to recognize a broken promise for a good reason rather than a bad excuse. And this is where his sense of morality already comes into play. Coherence also has a big impact on how children understand themselves and their place in the world. Although some inconsistency is inevitable along the way, try as much as possible to establish clear rules and consistent consequences to promote the child’s emotional development.

Routine changes

Children need routine, which is why they tend to notice even the slightest change in their daily schedule. This can of course happen, but it is better to stick to a routine that works, without disrupting it too much. According to an article published in the Journal of Family Theory and Review, there is indeed a direct link between routines and child development. Researchers have noted that a consistent childhood routine is associated with better behavioral and emotional regulation. Routines can also help build a child’s resilience. Researchers have found that having a routine can have a positive impact on families who find themselves in high-risk situations. They provide children with a sense of security, showing them what to expect.

Even subtle tension between parents

Children are like little emotional barometers: they know when the relationship between their parents is strained. They notice the most subtle tensions even when their parents are discreet. They pay attention to small changes in communication and emotional cues, as well as their parents’ body language.

Although it is completely normal for parents to be in conflict with each other, it is therefore essential to explain to children that just because their parents argue does not mean they do not love each other. This simple clarification can go a long way to calming them down.

When their parents are worried

Not surprisingly, children notice when parents are preoccupied with other things. And the first reason for this is the place of the phone when you are supposed to be with them. An international study even measured it: 32% of children aged 8 to 13 reported feeling “unimportant” if their parents were on the phone during family time, such as shared meals or during conversations.

While it’s not entirely realistic to expect parents to never use their phones, using them less often could certainly benefit their children.

Your acts of kindness

Acts of kindness are another little thing that children tend to notice more than their parents think. Every day, children essentially learn how to behave. They observe their parents, teachers and peers to find examples of behavior to adopt. They see when their parents greet their neighbors or help other people. They internalize whether their parents show kindness to others and use this information as a model for their own worldview.

Another study demonstrated that children have a distinct understanding of what it means to be kind and the prosocial consequences of kindness. The study referenced data showing that individuals’ sense of morality begins in early childhood. Seeing kindness displayed in small, everyday interactions therefore strengthens children’s emotional intelligence and teaches them empathy.

Your displays of affection

Children see how their parents show affection, both to themselves and to each other. Even if a child finds it disgusting and embarrassing to see their parents kissing, displays of affection between parents show children what love looks like and how to express it.

They are also sensitive to touch and how you approach contact with them, because “children learn to be human through touch.” So small gestures like hugs and holding hands send a message of care that children notice more than their parents realize.

Quality time together

It can be difficult to balance family time between daily obligations, but spending time together keeps children and parents connected. Children notice when parents are distracted and they appreciate times when fun and togetherness are the focus.

Even a brief moment of quality time is better than nothing at all. For example, you could ask your kids how they’re feeling as you take them from dance rehearsal to piano lessons, or set aside one evening a week to have dinner together, screen-free. Children want to spend quality time with you, and they notice when it doesn’t happen.

Your encouraging words and actions

Children tend to notice the way you behave towards the people around you. They see how their parents talk to their friends, other family members, and even strangers passing on the street. When parents have a negative attitude toward others, children learn that it is okay to look down on them. When parents provide words of encouragement or help to people in their community, children also learn support.

Celebrating small victories

Children notice when their parents celebrate small victories. They see when their parents recognize the little things, like tidying their room, or doing a difficult math problem.

Granted, these aren’t big events, but parents who recognize their children’s small victories send them the innate message that they can, in fact, accomplish difficult things. Celebrating small victories helps build children’s self-esteem and confidence, which is an ultimate goal of parenting.

When you compare them to other children

Sometimes the comparison is made with good intentions, such as when a parent encourages their child to participate in the school play like the other children in their class. Yet, even if well-intentioned, comparison can be very damaging to children’s self-esteem.

Some forms of comparison originate in criticism, such as parents favoring one sibling over another and asking “Why don’t you do the same?” But the negative effects of this follow children into adulthood, making them believe that they are not as worthy of love as others.

When parents compare their children to others, they teach them that they are not good enough as they are. Limiting the urge to compare children to external factors helps them become exactly who they are meant to be.

How you deal with stress

Among the many challenges parents face, there is also that of knowing how to manage their emotions. Children notice how their parents handle stress, and as they grow, they are expected to deal with stress and conflict. They tend to reproduce the reactions they learned from their parents. Stress is part of being a caring person, but how a person handles that stress can have major consequences on their well-being.

Although it can be tempting for parents to bottle up their stress and not talk about it, one study found that parents who repress their stress actually pass these feelings on to their children. When parents try to hide their emotions, children tend to have a physical reaction.

Children are naturally intuitive, so if something is bothering you or making you anxious, it is better to express your feelings with simple words than to leave them free to imagine what is stressing you out.

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