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Trusting others is often seen as the cornerstone of a balanced relationship. That’s great, but how can you achieve it or how can you build more trust between two people? A psychologist gives some tips.
In love, it is difficult to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship without having confidence in the other. When this is lacking, conflicts, mistrust and fear take up more and more space, to the point of sabotaging the relationship. The theory is therefore very clear on this subject. But in practice? How to build and maintain trust in a relationship? What are the essentials to preserve? In the magazine Psychology Todaya psychologist discusses some major principles to keep in mind.
Maintain open and frequent communication
Don’t expect the other person to read your mind, but express yourself. And take the time to listen to your partner too. Do this frequently, preferably every day.
Be honest and transparent
Don’t make your communication a political speech. But be clear and straightforward about what you feel, what you think, what makes you happy and what worries you. You don’t have to be in appearance.
Be consistent
It’s hard to trust someone who is constantly blowing hot and cold or who changes their mind and ideas every 5 minutes. Try to take your time and be consistent in what you ask or want.
Be reliable and true to your word
If you say you’re going to do something, do it. Announcing great ideas is easy, but if you’re the type to make big announcements without following through, or apologize too often, your partner will eventually lose faith in your word.
Be empathetic
You can’t just tell your partner that you’re listening. Actions need to follow, too. If, for example, your partner is feeling nervous or depressed, it’s not just a matter of asking if they’re okay. Really listen to what they have to say. And take concrete steps to make them feel better.
Set and respect boundaries
“I’m going to do what I want to do” is a great way to destroy trust in a relationship. It’s also a great way to act like a five-year-old. In short, don’t force the other person to follow your crazy ideas, and respect their desires too.
Take responsibility for your actions and apologize
If you have made a mistake, if you have hurt someone or something, do not go into denial out of pride. But quickly show remorse, apologize and make amends. Do not try to find someone or something to blame. And absolutely do not try to shift the blame onto the person you have hurt.
In a relationship, it is normal, even good, to admit your mistakes. It shows your vulnerable side. When you don’t do it, your partner will quickly wonder what you are hiding.
Don’t try to manipulate or control the other person
Generally, people who respect themselves do not want to be controlled. This attitude is therefore to be avoided if you want a relationship based on trust. The two notions are incompatible.
Be generous and don’t count points
Don’t always expect something in return for what you do: a romantic relationship is not a business transaction in which you pay or are paid for services. It is a gift of self, a presence that brings you and a mutual exchange.
Don’t be self-centered
If it’s always about you and nothing but you, then soon it may be just you. A relationship implies that you have to be there when the other person needs you too.
Be there when needed
People in relationships, as in other relationships, show their true character in difficult times. If your partner discovers that you are not fully there for them when they are facing a real crisis, how can they ever trust you again? Again, trust is fundamental to any healthy relationship. But you can’t just demand it from others. You have to show it to get it.
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