Childbirth does not always go as expected. Express birth, hysterics, malaise, hallucinations… Midwife Sylvie Coché gives us her anecdotes about the most incredible births she has attended.
In the delivery room, midwives are on the front line to attend the birth of a child, but also in unusual situations. Sylvie Coche, midwife for more than thirty years, knows something about it. She, who has given birth to thousands of babies, has many childbirth stories. In his humorous book, “Push, Madam! Confessions of a Midwife” (les éditions de l’Opportun), she comes back to some of them, which are at the same time incredible, moving and hilarious. Like this time when a woman gave birth without really realizing it, or when the future mother who was about to give birth to her baby confesses to her that she had an affair with a man other than her husband. Anthology of most amazing births experienced by a practicing midwife.
1- “And if he was not the father of the child?”
During her career, Sylvie Coché, midwife, took care of a future mother hospitalized for a threat of premature delivery, but also within the framework of psychological support. The reason ? Before get pregnantthe woman had had a lover of black color. However, her husband (who was unaware of her infidelity) and the future mother were white. During her pregnancy, she therefore did not know which of the two was the father and the moment of delivery would reveal it. “She was already imagining the drama if her baby was born mixed-race!“, confides the expert to us. But fortunately, the baby was the spitting image of her husband…
2- “I curse you until the 10ᵉ generation!”
When the epidural can’t be performed, mothers-to-be sometimes panic and the pain of the contractions can cause them to say things they don’t mean. If some scream, others insult, like the case of this young woman who declared on the work table while looking Sylvie Coché straight in the eye: “I curse you to the tenth generation!“After the delivery, the mother came back to apologize. “I don’t know very well what I said to you during childbirth, but I apologize. I know you did everything you could to help me“, recalls the specialist.
3- “Me! Passing out? I’m not a sissy.”
During childbirth, the emotion is sometimes too intense for future dads. It is not uncommon to see some faint. One of them, somewhat “macho” did not imagine that this would happen to him for the birth of his child. “Me ! To faint ? I have seen others! I am not a sissy!“, he said to the midwife while watching the placement of the epidural, and promising to offer her a bottle of champagne if that happened to her. A few minutes later, the man passed out and Sylvie Coché took care to lay him down and place his legs in the air. The young dad then kept his word by bringing him, an hour after the birth of his child, the bottle of champagne.
4- Weigh your breast before and after feeding
To reassure young mothers who breastfeed their baby, it is advisable to weigh the baby before and after feeding. Once, entering the room where the baby scale was, Sylvie Coché surprised a woman from behind, in a strange position. “She was leaning forward, her upper body turned slightly to one side, craning her neck to try to read the numbers on the scales.“, recalls the midwife.
5- Can a father hide another?
Sylvie Coché has a good visual memory. One morning, she recognizes a patient she had delivered herself. Bringing in the father she also remembers, she begins to chat with the couple and reminisce about the birth of their first child. She then asks the dad if he is more relaxed than the first time, but he feels embarrassed. His wife then explains to him thatthis is the twin brother of her ex-husband !
6- “This vision of the baby suckling still haunts me.”
The midwife remembers a young mother who had fallen asleep after a long and difficult delivery, without an epidural. Her grandmother was by her side during labor, watching over the baby and her granddaughter. On leaving the room, the midwife offers to call her if necessary, but fifteen minutes later, when she returns to the room, she sees the baby in the arms of his great-grandmother, “lying across the knees of the old lady sucking on a withered and cupped breast that hangs in her mouth“says Sylvie Coche. “This vision of the baby suckling still haunts me”, she adds.
7- A confused future dad
People who accompany pregnant women in the delivery room must imperatively wear protection on their clothes and particularly on their shoes before entering the room. A young dad, certainly stressed and disoriented on the day of the birth of his child, arrived with a blouse, and his face “congested and sweaty, his forehead strangely scarred and wrinkled”explains the midwife. He who had put the disposable overshoe on his head explained to him “that he had trouble putting on the hat”…
8- “An unborn child shook my hand.”
Midwives have the privilege of being the first in contact with newborns. Sylvie Coché remembers one moment in particular, when she could feel her finger being sucked by a small mouth during a vaginal examination of a patient. Or to feel little fingers grabbing hers and squeezing them…”It’s touching to say that an unborn child is already shaking your hand“reports the nurse.
9- Convince a mother to change her daughter’s first name
For some children, their family name is sometimes difficult to bear. Sylvie Coché had to convince a young mother of Turkish origin, bearing the name of Ankull, not to call her daughter Kim.
During a delivery, the midwife also encountered a woman wearing the husband’s name: Monkey. “The gynecologist admits to finding her brave to bear such a difficult name and asks her if she would not have preferred to keep her maiden name”, she reveals. The young mother then replies “No, my maiden name is Guenon!“
10- Hallucinations in the delivery room
Several years ago, an anesthetic product, used before recovering the placenta when it did not separate, could cause hallucinations in pregnant women. After getting the husband out, the midwife stayed with the young mother until she woke up. “She grabbed me by the neck, pulled me violently against her and holding me firmly, cried out to me: ‘Pierre, my love, I love you, kiss me!’“, recalls the midwife who admits that while filling out her patient’s file, she finally realized that the husband was not called Pierre.
Thanks to Sylvie Coché, midwife and author of the book “Push, Madam! Confessions of a Midwife”Editions de l’Opportun.