10 Signs It’s Time to Rework Communication in Your Relationship (and How to Do It)

Communication is the cement of the couple. It allows the exchange of ideas and opinions between the two partners, of course, but also listening and empathy which allow us to feel the needs of the other and to move forward together.Communication is more than just words. It is an exchange of feelings and emotions that keeps a couple together. When it is broken, it is the couple that falters,” explains Pierre Nantas, a psychotherapist specializing in supporting borderline people and suffering in couples. So be careful if you recognize yourself in the following 10 situations.

You avoid certain sensitive topics for fear of triggering conflict.

According to Pierre Nantas, ““Avoiding sensitive topics is like putting a lid on a pressure cooker.” Communication in a couple must be based on trust and honesty. Avoiding important discussions for fear of arguments can lead to a build-up of resentment that is harmful to your relationship. For the specialist, it is therefore essential to practice non-judgmental listening and to approach delicate subjects in an appropriate context, far from tensions.

Your discussions often turn into conflicts

“If every conversation ends in conflict, you’re likely avoiding topics that really matter to you,” continues Pierre Nantas. Creating a conflict is often a way of escaping from something that frightens us. It is important to understand what triggers these conflicts and what prevents their resolution. The key lies in preparing the ground, taking into account the sensitivities of the other.

One of you often feels misunderstood or ignored

Pierre Nantas observes that “Feeling ignored or misunderstood is often the result of past wounds reactivated by the partner’s behaviors.” This feeling may be linked to a lack of listening or to rejection patterns rooted since childhood. It is essential to express yourself clearly and in an adult manner, claiming your right to respect and listening in the couple.

Awkward silences are becoming more frequent

“Silence can be as destructive as speech”the expert points out. Often, it masks unease or unexpressed frustration. In a relationship, this silence can lead the other to decide for you, thus fueling a cycle of reproaches. On the contrary, clearly expressing your needs without fear of conflict helps to lighten the atmosphere and reestablish communication.

You often accuse the other “You never do…” or “You are always…”

For Pierre Nantas, “This mode of communication locks the other into a role of permanent culprit.” Constant criticism discourages initiative and eventually destroys the relationship.

Replacing these phrases with more positive requests can reverse the process and encourage more constructive communication.

You don’t express your expectations (and are frustrated)

“Unexpressed expectations are traps for the couple,” says Pierre Nantas. It is crucial to identify whether these expectations are legitimate and to express them clearly. Your partner cannot guess your needs if you do not communicate them. Satisfaction of needs is essential for the balance of the couple.

You only communicate via text message for important things

“Text messages are a limited means of communication, especially in a relationship,” says Pierre Nantas. Text messages cannot replace an authentic conversation and can often lead to misunderstandings; the expert reminds us. Nothing beats a real face-to-face discussion to address important topics and maintain the emotional connection.

You are no longer really listening, and prepare your response without hearing the other person.

“The absence ofactive listening is an alarm signal”, Pierre Nantas insists. If one partner feels ignored, he or she may end up submitting or withdrawing from the relationship. Communication is a two-way street. To save it, it is often necessary to consult a relationship professional before it is too late.

You feel like you’re not on the same page

It’s not a problem to no longer be in sync on everything. On the other hand, it is important to communicate about your own needs and to refocus your couple on a common project. This allows you to remain authentic.

You feel a growing emotional distance between you

“Emotional distance is often the result of broken communication”Pierre Nantas points out. In this case, and without professional help, the couple risks drying up and becoming simple roommates. Acting in time is essential to avoid this scenario and rekindle the flame.

For the expert, the first step to saving your relationship is often to recognize these warning signs. By opening the discussion, by showing active listening, by giving yourself time to exchange, you will probably be able to find a fulfilling relationship again. Of course, this can also involve the help and listening of a professional if you feel the situation is locked.

Slideshow: Couple: 10 ways to reconnect after an argument